Bare my Soul

"I wish I had never given birth to you"
Are the words that achoed through my body
Not missing a synapse, nor a heartbeat
Settling in the core of my soul, only unsettled
For like piercing piece of glass
it tore apart at all I had come to believe true about a mother
Falling like shards of glass to the base of my feet begging for my attention
It begged me to look up
Only I hoped to see the woman who was to protect me from all the wrongs of the world
The Angel who was to protect me from all the hurt of the world
The woman who gave birth to my innocent little soul

Only all I saw was distress, past regret and mistakes
A mixture of emotions so raw you could reach out and touch it
These very emotions had me cave into myself and shut myself from the world
For it begged the question, where was this God they speak of?
This God that is to protect me from the world and its misery
For it is written in the books of Psalms
I shall not fear, for the Lord is my shepherd


Only I felt like a lost sheep, who was too small for the world
I could easily be swallowed and forgotten
Only, the reality is I wanted to be swallowed
I wanted to be forgotten
I wanted to die

But see, this is when my Saviour showed face
In His armor of glory and goodness
Showing me that God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
For, he works in ways we cannot see.

After what that moment passed,
Which felt like minutes, hours, weeks and centuries
I saw a glimmer of light for my mum shed the tears
she had long forgotten she needed to shed
She weeped for the life she had long forgotten she wanted to live
For the family she had long forgotten she wanted to have
With more love then the world knew what to do with

She had forgotten her purpose, her destiny
For so engulfed in her sorrow was she
that no light could shine through

I took the hand of the woman who was to be my light
and prayed light into her life
I prayed that her eyes be unscaled
that she be able to see the greatness that is her life
For her destiny was far greater and brighter then any mistake could rid of her
She was to be the world's greatest mother

And so slowly the cloud of darkness started to life
She found her smile,
She found her purpose
She found her destiny
Now see, her destiny wasn't incoperated in the cooperate world
She wasn't to be an entrepreneur
She was simply to be the woman they speak of in genesis
One that labors for her family and she does it with such grace.

She came from a place of darkness and found her light
And all she had to do was bow her head and submit to God
In turn her Father put his wings of protection around her
and lead her step by step to her destiny
She is the world's greatest mother.

Fear Not

See they say beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, yet they behold not the truth that lies between these layers of material. Covering the hurt, the bruises and the scars. That paint vivid blue and purple images of past hurt. These vivid pictures are of the life I wish to burry beneath an ocean of tears, that will ride the tides and touch the shores of my soul. Promising that in the high tide I shall not drown of sorrow, or in the low tide I shall not die of the cold, because for as sure as my Savior will carry me, so sure am I that past mistakes will not define my destination. See we all find ourselves at the cross road, but instead of leaning on our own understanding we should be able to bend one knee, followed by the other, clasp our heads and weave them into a lace of crossed fingers, bow our heads and pray.

Pray for serenity, because that is were exceptance comes from. Understanding that thy past is but that. Importance is in looking ahead and ensuring that you walk the path that was long drawn out by you and I’s saviour . On the cross are your sins and embedded in the palm of his hand are the marks of the nails that dug through his flesh that show that your sins are long forgiven. After serenity you pray for courage, to dust your knees off and pick up your breast plate of righteousness. Cloth yourself in the armor of God, for the only proverb you are to reciet is that in Proverbs 3 verse 5, for lean not on your own understanding as after the prayer of courage to change the world and see out the visions instilled onto your life you should seek wisdom. See, wisdom is like a garden that needs watering and if not fed regularly its petals will shrink, its leaves will fall and its roots will come loose of the soil that is to be the word of God that feeds this wisdom.

Now I ask you, what are you afraid of? Why do you hide underneath layers and layers of social media when really a conversation is what you crave? Why do you hide behind an “I am fine, how are you?” when really you want to share the traumas of your life? Why is it that you cannot come forth and proclaim the victories of your life when all you need do is speak them to life?

What are you afraid of?

The Interview of my Life

Staring back at me as though through a magnifying glass is my potential,

Engraved in the cracks of past experiments

Are the cracks that speak at me as though a mirrored reflection of fear

Fear of who I am, Fear of what I could be

Be the powerful human I am inclined to be

As though the inclination will shift my balance

And throw me off the path I am intended to walk, speak, be

No! This is the interview of my life I silently chant, this is it!

Sitting at the one end of the table,

Fingers laced as though trying to lace together every thought

Of fear, tucked behind my ear are the masks and masks of uncertainty

I cleared my throat and was ready for the interview of my life

And so the woman who rode the tides and waves of success

Sat across me ready to decipher the hieroglyphs of my life,

of my brain, of my.. intelligence.

And so the the interview of my life began after a piercing silence

That felt as though it would tear through the walls of protection I had built

The sequential answers I had prepared

For, everything started to fold and piece itself to this very moment,

The years and year of hard work,

Years and years of sleepless nights,

All tied together to this interview which tied together my destiny,

For its success spoke of my succession of liberty, freedom and  kingdom

This liberty is to be the light that illuminates from the corners within me

Casting away any element of fear

Any shadow of darkness

And any hint of doubt

So  I squared my shoulders, cleared my throat as she asked me to spell the word SUCCESS

My brain started throwing words at me that I couldn't decipher

Words that weren’t sequential, nor credential

For so influential was my response that it terrified every pore within me,

Only this fear reminded me of a time in 6^th grade.

As it took me straight back to the spelling where I was asked,

“Spell success”

S U C C E S S

Success, NOUN

A favourable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavours,

The accomplishment of one’s goals and ambitions

Origin- Latin successus

Equivalent to succeed

Stems from Succeeder

Synonyms – achievements, fame, triumph

Success 

Slaved after yet never retrieved

Achieved yet never grieved

Believed yet never conceived

Sought yet never retrieved

Success is not to be defined by you, me, we

For our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,

Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure

For our abilities are far greater then we can fathom

What our imagination can conjure is but a drop in the Atlantic

As oceans will part 

And mountains will move

If we harness the greatness that is you, me, we

For the human ability is far greater and wiser the

Me, I, you can fathom.

That is my definition of success.