The Dream

The Dream

We all walk around these earthly grounds, heads buried deep in one or the other insecurity. More often then not, we stumble and bump into one another, smile politely and utter a 'sorry'. When in actual fact you really couldn't give a rats ass about whether or not you really are sorry. And so you go about your business forgetting about that stranger you bumped into, and back into the pool of sorrow you feel for yourself..

Does one ever really sit back and reflect on the life you are living? Take a moment to unwind and think about something other then what you lack, what you should be doing or how unfair life is. Reflect on why you were placed on this round ball with the blue waters (clear actually, but who's counting) we refer to as earth? I mean, think about it.. If you die one blissful day, wake in your grave and realise that that coffin in which your body as placed is in actual fact your prison for what's left of eternity.. Your soul has no escape and your human form is the only decaying company you have, would be the most devastating thing one could surpass (well that and dying, but ok). The realization that there in actual fact is no God, after life (after-life) and whatever else you hoped to meet on the other side. The realization that the atheist were the only ones who actually understood this whole debacle. Can you imagine having lived under the doctran of the norm and for what.. Nothing.. I am not about to say I doubt the existance of God, but I am allowed my 'what if' moment. No judgement here.

The big bang theory, the world having been created in 6 days and God having rested on the seventh. I am sorry to say the least, we are either incredibly gullible or plain simply so lost in trying to find the answer that it may just as well be right in front of our blinded eyes yet we simply refuse to acknowledge it.. They say, "the best hiding place is right in plain sight", and who can argue that? When looking for your cellular phone, you at times find it right in your hand. It is in human nature to turn a blind eye to the obvious. In a home, the husband can be cheating, coming home wiht lip stick marks on his tweed jacket and believe it when I say this, he can get away with a simple 'Dorren borrowed it earlier today' and that is the end of that story.

The world is so much larger then our small human minds. We can have it right on point with all the thoeries we come up with, but my bet is we have it all wrong. Completely wrong. I will go about my business believing what has been implanted in my head since the tender age of 2. There is a God. It is better then trying to wrap my head around what floats in my medulla or which ever part of the brain comes up with these obserd ideas. Though I must admit I love being able to think beyond the norm, it is fcuking beautiful, confusing too, but beautiful nontheless.

Broken Love

I do not believe love is supposed to be as painful as they say. You find petty sayings such as "if you can love beyond all hurt and pain then its love". 

Correct me if I am wrong

Love should be soft spoken

whispered into the frail trail of your neck

Everlasting and a day 

Non judgmental but rather understanding

Heart-felt like the blood

pumped from the aorta

Felt by every vessel within you

Remembered in every thought

Uttered during silent nights

Reminisced upon when you are away

Deepened by distance

Embodied by love-making

Cherished like the last breath

 Love should be

Everything but selfish

I once loved you beyond measure, I had butterflies by the thought of seeing you even years into our relationship. My life was centered around yours and I loved it, because I loved you. I do not believe someone can simply fall out of love. No, because then it was never genuine love, as love is not altered. Right there is the obstacle, does it then mean I never loved you. I am in a cloud of confused, blinded by the rays of light that surround me yet feeling hopelessly lost in the darkest place of all-my thoughts. I believe wth every inch of me that I love you, yet how I feel towards you doesn't say that. I dread talking to you, I hate having to spend time with you and I hate that I hate it.. Hold up, let me explain..

Since the day we broke up in the year 2009, I have never felt the same way, towards you and towards being with you. That year was two things, both beautiful and bitter..

Bitter

I felt left alone and helpless

In many ways I felt you were supposed to understand why I did what I did

I felt we were supposed to go through that obstacle together

I felt selfish for what I put you through

I too felt that I wasn't completely to blame

I felt you should have protected me from the world

I felt I was too young to have been in that situation in the first place

I felt bitterness

Beautiful

That was the year we learned to genuinely love each other

That was the year everything fell into place

That was the year we had a beautiful 6th of June

That was the year we couldn't be apart

That was the year sleep was non existent

That was the year 100 texts finished by 1pm

That was the year your sister introduced me a her In-law

That was the year we could sit staring at the ceiling and talk for hours

            or simply not talk, but be having a conversation worth a thousand words

That was the year..

Sweetheart, I can't stand arguing with you all the time about nothing. I would love that this works, but I cannot be in a relationship with someone that is just out to point out the wrongs. It sucks the life out of me. I just can't. I am not asking that you stop caring so damn much, no! I am asking that you be more free spirited and lively as you always were. I ask that you and I be WE again.