Inferiority Complex

The cruelty that humans embody is palpable. That one can live with oneself regardless of the hurt inflicted on another without so much as batting an eyelid is the worlds greatest cruelty. That we as humans have such a complex design that we can not dissect just how our actions influence anther's life, and yet will cry foul when the very things are done to us. That a man can proudly profess that he loves a woman and will turn around to find yet another. He will then claim to not know how to let go of the one, and in turn keeps both.

To the man with two women

How can you as a man bring yourself to degrade someone such that they are content with the little you give them. To believe themselves unworthy of a wholesome love, and will settle for whatever percentage you avail them. That you can sleep at night knowing that you are dragging someone's self worth and awareness through the mud. That you as a man, can speak of love yet have no idea what true love truly entails. That the scars you will inflict on all three parties will live for generations, because all actions have repercussions. It shows a level of an inferiority complex that needs to be dealt with from the root cause, because ultimately it has to be that you believe yourself not to be enough to keep one woman grounded, such that you need to derive yourself appreciation from yet another partner. The fact that you do not see that your actions are hurting people is where the greatest issue lies. To be content with belittling someone and have them believe they deserve little reflects on you more then it does on them.

To the woman who is BOSS MADAM

and is aware that there is someone else in their mans life and are okay with it, because ultimately you know where he is spending the nights and whose food he will eat - Yours. You fall in the very same category as the side chick, because both of you posses the same inferiority complex, believing you deserve so little. A woman who knows her true worth will know better then settle for a cheating man who gives her perks. A man that is aware that you know he is cheating, yet you are mum about it, has as little respect for you as he does for the other woman. The fact that he will claim to love you and believe it has you both at loosing ends. Him, not knowing what love is and you not knowing what love does not look like. Although, you may have the perks of a woman who is treated well (which is contradictory), there is one fundamental element missing- respect. Respect, for both you and your relationship. To know better then involve a third party, because this directly reciprocates you not being sufficient for him and you being okay with that. A man who truly loves you will not have you  feel inadequate in sustaining his needs and having him fulfilled. A woman who respects herself will know to have nothing to do with a man who doesn't think she is enough. 

The one thing that make me laugh are the ones that preach "All men cheat"

So, you may as well stay with the one that perceives you as boss madam. Now, the depth of this statement will leave one with a heavy heart. Society has become so accepting of cheating men that it's become a norm. Accepted by many and preached by both sexes. The sadness in this statement is that men have now become more susceptible to cheating, solely because they are aware that there is a high probability they will get away with it by uttering a simple "I am sorry." Such that a woman will stay and suck it up, because it is to be expected. No, sweetheart, it is not acceptable that you be of the mentality that all men will cheat on you such that you simply succumb to it. Not all men cheat and one needs to come of the realisation that you can find a man that will treat you like the queen you are and quit letting society taint you into thinking less. It will in turn seep into your subconscious that you do in fact deserve less. Deserve less then the perfectly imperfect love. It is said that you are your thoughts, so by virtue you attract what your thoughts are centred around. Erase that incredibly twisted and stereotypical belief, not all men cheat.

To the side chick

YOU DESERVE BETTER. You deserve a man who will not give you portions of him, but him as a whole. You deserve a man that will not dictate which hours you can call him and you sure as hell deserve a man that will love you. The inferiority complex is that you think it is okay to share a man. That sharing is caring ? That you genuinely love this man and he will one day leave said boss madam? "Love does not alter by alteration finds, does not bend with time and if this is not love, then I never wrote, nor man ever loved"- Shakespare. Realising that you deserve better is but step one. Understanding that your self appreciation needs evaluation is the second and thirdly respecting oneself. See, the hurt you inflict on both yourself and the woman you are helping this man cheat with is palpable. You gradually wither into a meek little nothing. Who men will treat as nothing more then a sex object and unworthy of respect. because human beings can easily spot allowance in someones character. If you leave a door open, that allows abuse, that is what you get in turn. The greatest pity in a situation as such is you. It is fairly simple for the man to scatter you when he is done with you and move on to do the very thing with yet another woman. His emotional investment in you reflects on your relationship. 

Before anyone tries feed me with success stories of side chicks, please spare me! If you are not happy with the woman you are with, please leave! Get up, with your balls in hand and walk! Playing with anthers feelings is both inhuman and cruel. I have seen firsthand the cruelty and unspeakable things it does to ones soul. To all three characters, it does more harm then good. Those that are unaware of their situation and have no idea what is done to them behind closed doors, my heart bleeds for you. As when the truth does come to light, it tarnishes a person. Leaves one feeling wrecked and in shambles. To the man or woman (as this is not strictly unique to men, although I write from a woman's perspective), in the event that you are engaging the above said, reflect and actually do the humane thing and right your wrongs.

In conclusion,

1. Not all men cheat

2. You deserve a wholesome love

When one has become content with little, you reach a dangerous place called mediocrity. Which says a lot about ones self worth complex. This reflect on humans who believe themselves to deserve the little that they do have, not knowing that one is intended for greatness. That, we are all born to become far greater then we can fathom. This blog is was inspired by someone I hold dear, a God-fearing, wonderfully made woman who was not yielded from the worlds wrongs by the Great God she serves because ultimately, God gives his greatest battles to his strongest soldiers. 

When Joy Comes to Stay (Suuuuuprise!)

Shit.. I went through my blog and it dawned on me that it is sooooo sad! Like, I mean sad!

The amount of heart break I have survived, and turned to this blog to patch up the bruises and live away the scars is tremendously sad. I mean since the year 2012, there has been nothing but a repetition of one thing, sadness caused by men. Now, dammit! I want liberation and I can taste it. At the tip of my tongue, the roof of my palate and on my taste buds!




When Joy Comes to Stay

When the sky no longer looks a mystifying blue, it reflects a perfect baby blue that sends shards of hope through my heart
When you no longer see a haze, but an actual picture perfect picturesque image
That will engulf your synapses and have them working at a rate unknown to you or not fully discovered yet
When you tap into the corners of your mind you never knew existed
When your heart is healing itself, whilst you are unaware
Shards and splints coming together and giving you a feeling of wholesome
That you indeed can and will survive
The light at the end of the tunnel that blinds you
So bright is the light that you can feel and touch it

Lord, it feels good!

Ever felt like sending a shout out to your God. Like, we made it! And now that we are here, our kind, we gatta stick together man!

Like, I can feel my personality break free of all the molds it has tried fit over the years, finally taking its natural form. Such that joy is mine and comes to stay without the comprehension of "what if" and simply be.

Be all that I am destined to be, happy! The joy I wake up with every morning is self created, it comes from the depths of me. Once joy is internalized and needs not come from an external factor, then you experience real joy. The kind that cannot be tarnished by no mankind. See, this week I have had bursts of joy I cannot quite explain. Frankly, I feel it has a lot to do with not having been my own source of joy for so long.

Dances to *shackles* by Mary Mary. So, let me bask in my burst of color, pink, yellow, violet, green.. I mean! Joyous times ahead! I look forward to a more cheerful blog! *raises champagne glass* to more cheerful times..

Stay Tuned!

Or What?

Part II Spoken Word Namibia

He... Yes, it always had to be a male who was either too mentally challenged to realize your true potential before it was too late

Or, too self absorbed to ever care about your fragile little heart

Or, too strong to ever let himself feel an emotional connection to you

Or,

Or what?

What other excuse is one to put in place to protect these men who are so ruthless and couldn't give a shit about the hearts they break?

Oh, I sound angry huh? Go ahead and call me an angry black woman, for that label has long worn out like your inability to keep your pants zipped up long enough to conquer the woman you seek. See, we have heard far too many cries from men crying foul or simply making empty promises. I am not about to count how many times I have heard the words,

“I am different and I am not like other guys” or “I have been waiting for a woman like you to change my perspective on love”, yet those statements are followed by the oh so popular “BRB, be right back never to return again” or the “LOL, laugh out loud, I really don’t know what to say to that” or “ It’s not you, it’s me”

Now, pardon me for saying, but I crave a man that will shed light on my darkened heart.

 My hardened heart, which will easily open up to a man that pursues it without the fear of endless possibility of hurt. That a man will not run for the nearest hill at the mention of my deceived heart.

Now men.

Before you tell me that not all men are the same. Let me ask you this question, “How many hearts have you broken?”

See, the anger is not derived so much from the hurt as it is the inconsideration for another human being. See, the want to understand, “what is wrong with me?” did not come on a crystal clear Sunday morning, but it came on a day when thunder was grasping at the little light left with in me. It’s the similar story of many women and in the somewhat rare case men, who can relate to broken promises, missiles thrown at their hearts and a cascade of lies.

Now I need to say this, but forgive me and lead me never into darkness ever again.