Temptation is just that, a clawing hand that draws you with images of perfection.. or rather what we perceive to be perfection, whilst in actuality it is all but a dream. All but a collage of the life we wished was bestowed upon us. Only, that clawing hand promises more then it is willing to deliver. So where is the glitch, is it in attaining this life we dream of, or in the road one needs to travel to attain it..
See perfection is too in the eyes of the beholder, as what may satisfy you may not satisfy the next person.
"She claws onto the toilet seat, gasping for air. What she thought was a nightmare she could wake up from was her new reality. It hurt, hurt more then any fathomed pain she thought herself able to endure. See, right there is the glitch, she doesn't think she can live though it. The pain is too unbearable. Too deep. Her only thought is, "How could she?". She was mad at her life long best friend, who took the only thing she held dear. The love of her life. "Fcuk her", is her second thought. "They can both go screw themselves". Ironically that is exactly what they did.
She grew up with a little more then a sack cloth to cover herself from the wrath of a cold night. Trusted little and vowed to never be vulnerable. On the dusty streets of Katutura, you learn to be hard as stone. You learn to fight the biggest of the bullies, in attempt to stay relevant, and more yet to not be looked down upon. Only, with this hard soul to the world, was a vision that no one could steal from her even in the cold of the night. She had a dream to fulfill, she wanted success. By all means possible she scrambled pennies, sold bottles at super markets who would award you with little more then was fair. With that she saved, and went to school. Her luck came one fateful day, when her teacher took notice of her. For all the wrong reasons of course. She looked rowdy, and was months behind on school fees payments. Yet, she continued coming to school regardless how they probed her to stay away. Until, she was sent to the principals office, in teachers in vane attempt at getting her thrown out.
The principal saw something in her, a light and a burning desire she could not turn a blind eye too. After all, her professional vision was trained to spot talent and ambition a mile away. She took her in and molded her to all that she is today. From a dead rose bush, she sprung into a beautiful Lilly. She shone, and came top in all her classes. This was to ensure that life didn't grab from her the opportunity some can only dream of whilst others take it for granted. And so success was hers.
To the day 24 September 2006, she had not let a soul in. aaand then she met him. He was a picturesque view, looked as though he was cut straight out a catalog. Her heart melted at the sight of him, and she stared till he noticed her. It must have been love at first sight as it seemed every puzzle piece found its mate piece. Right behind him, was a tall dark haired model, she mistakenly presumed. She too was gorgeous, she looked up and waved her over. Awkwardly, she stumbled toward the pair, unaware of what she was doing or where she was going. She was drawn, to him, to her. That day, she spoke to these two strangers. She spoke and told them her story, from the very raw detail of gang fights, to the sleepless nights of med school. He instantly became her significant other and she instantly became her best friend. They were the trio!
"How stupid was she to not detect their clear attraction to one another?", she thought. They were friends for 16 years, and she theirs for 8! That fateful day,she opened her heart up, bare! She wore her heart on her sleeve from that day onward, and everything changed. This rock heard hearted girl, changed! She smiled more often and embodied the Lilly she was likened to.
Now everything went dark. Her soul gave out, and everything seemed to lack the light it needed.
She packed her bags and moved. She never looked back. She left and made a start for new beginnings. After all, the only mother she knew was long dead.
See, she was in love with the idea of the significant other and her heart. She believed that they could be trusted, but even in her perfect picture and its fantasy, she saw cracks. She saw those very cracks and turned a blind eye. They lived the life many could only dream of and had the physique to match this life. She beautiful, him handsome. They took me under their wings and molded me into the African queen I thought I was destined to be. Years went by, and I wanted what they had, but I was never brought up to drown in envy, so I locked it up, only it stayed. Although, they had character traits that came with having more then you could ask for, insecurity was high on the list. I remember one drunken night she said, "You know babe, I envy you". That was the end of that.
Now, I see. Although they had the life one could call perfect, they lacked the one thing any human is to embody, authenticity!
"What we are all striving for is authenticity, a spirit-to-spirit connection" - Oprah Winfrey
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