He just isn't

There is nothing in the world that can prepare anyone for the kind of pain that comes with love rejected. It is not something that you are taught at school, it is not something that will be easier to take in because you have heard of people who have gone through this, it is simply something that hurts in ways that are indescribable.

Love is beautiful, it comes in the form of sunshine and rainbows. "Promises painted in caramel chocolate and dripping with possibilities." It is simply beautiful. When it knocks at your door step it will tear down all walls of protection you have built. It will tear down insecurities of having your heart stripped and played. It will ensure that it is dressed in exactly the kind of way beauty is dressed. Showing only white, without a trace of a smudge and sometimes the smudge will be there, but as is human nature, a blind eye is turned. For they say love is blind, they weren't kidding.

This is how love found me. Wondering about my business, paying no mind as to who wants to enter my life and sure that no one would unless I allow them to. It left me believing that I was in control. That I made the calls on when my heart would surge with an unwavering love. Pouring out into the person I believed I would not come to love. He looked like a friend, smiled like a friend and listened like a friend. I made it clear I was not ready to love and had been sufficiently hurt from previous relationships. He smiled and was all for it. Only I didn’t see his hands reach for my heart, didn’t see his eyes melt my frozen heart and his words strip me of all restrain. I didn’t see how his promises started to carve a future I neither knew I wanted or craved to have. He called it the vision. The pathway to where we could go, the road that was to be traveled with the promise of forever and the road that would one day cause me more pain then was bearable.

He caressed my heart, until I gave in. With all of me and with no restrain - I loved in a way I have never loved. He entered my heart and made himself comfortable. Only there is comfort vs. commitment. Comfort came, commitment never followed. 

For as long as you are gone. I will write.