A Ploy

I used to believe that depression was a ploy. That those that claimed it were too afraid to speak, so they opted to wallow and have everyone around them worry sick.

I was wrong. And as all things go that you know nothing about and have never experienced yourself, there was a level of ignorance. It is not until you experience it yourself that you can comprehend how it's tendrils will take hold of your soul and refuse to let go.

That getting out bed is like slicing your wrist, because you would rather not do it. You would rather have the curtains drawn for weeks. Only leaving your bed when it's completely necessary to have the world believe you are fine. As a student, that's not often. That when you choose to get out the rut, your instinct fight you, because they have become so accustomed to darkness, to being alone. Anything, but actually come out and face the world.

Depression is not a ploy. Depression hits you when you least expect it. Your body gives into this need to heal itself and sometimes, the only way it can do that - is by going into hibernation. Away from everyone and away from anything.

Saddest part about depression is that some don't make it out the rut before it's too late. The darkness consumes your heart. The darkness takes everything there is to take. It rips you apart and leaves nothing left, till you look in the mirror and realize you no longer recognize yourself.

You are lost.