Samantha Grant: GBV Survivor

As a continuation of the interviews held in Washington, one of the stories that stayed close to my heart is that of Samantha Grant. A sexual assault victim, who not only walks as a survivor, but is an unsung heroine in her community. This young lady suffered assault on a night out and today stands as a voice that needs to be heard. She has taken her experience and not let it cripple her, but rather give her hope to speak up for those who have been through abuse and suffered at the hands of an abuser. 

Although, I she got through the interview without crying, one could see the torment with which she tells the story. Bravery is but one of the things one can characterize her with. 

Samantha Grant and her friends went out one evening and were ambushed by three men who robbed them. They insisted that she and her friends strip themselves and give all they had. The group of friends complied and did as they were told. Only one of the men pointed a gun at Samantha and insisted she get completely naked. This was to be done while he watched and simultaneously called her unpleasant names. He then asked that she start to pleasure herself as he watched, else he would rape her. The man asked that she lay down and masturbate and ensure that it was believable else he would shoot her. This was all happening with her friends watching and the other two men who were robbing her friends. After they had taken all their possessions, they told them to jump into a nearby lake and not come up for air till the men had vacated. The group of friends complied and did as they were told for fear of their lives. They then had to find their way home naked, and traumatized. 

In the interview, watching Samantha reiterate the story of the violence she encountered is a bitter sweet feeling. One is filled with such remorse and grief for her experience that it tugs at your heart, makes one hate that a human can do such disgraceful and despicable things to another human being. On the other hand, one cannot help but feel a certain level of triumph. That although this man stripped her of her innocence, he didn't steal her soul. Her ability to stand up for herself and speak of her experience in the hope that she can touch a life out there and restore hope. Her being a symbol of hope and a beacon of ability to surpass such a horrendous episode in her life. 

The one thing I absolutely despise about journalism is that sometimes, the stories of people are used to sell newspapers and magazines. That people are paraded as a selling point and we loose grasp of what media is to do. That we are to create awareness, and not utilize the grief of another as a selling point. In the time I was interviewing Samantha, I saw what her story can do for people. How she can be a symbol of hope and simultaneously I saw how her story can easily be manipulated. It made me feel a certain level of responsibility toward her. To ensure that as we take her story back to Africa, that she be seen as more than a victim of abuse, but rather a heroine. A woman who stands tall in her society and speaks of the trauma she endured. Some would plead that objectivity is key in reporting, however I think humanity surpassed any level of objectivity required in reporting. 

This woman was robbed of her innocence in an ordeal that did not last more than 20 minutes, but the scars will live with her for eternity. She will have to wake up everyday and remind herself that she is not defined by what happened to her. She made a decision to speak up against abuse and advocate for the eradication of Gender Based Violence. That is the only story there is to tell, because all too often we want to study the details surrounding how the attack happen. Some will ague why were they out at night, but than the argument becomes centered around right to self and body. No human should ever lay their hands on another in violence, regardless of circumstance. There is no justified violence. 

If we are to advocate for the eradication of violence, we need to create awareness. This is to ensure that if ever you find yourself in a situation that drives you to want to react violently, that you think and not act impulsively. We too need to create a society that is open and supportive of victims. That survivors not feel ashamed to speak up about the violence they endured and in turn we create and army of advocates. People who have endured violence and become a beacon of light for those living in silence, 

When we speak of the eradication of violence, some may say it is unrealistic, I say anything that you lay your mind on is possible. It simply takes the reconditioning of minds and ensuring that everyone join the fight against violence. All the pun in the world intended. 

This blog is dedicated to Samantha Grant, my personal heroine. 

To Read more on Samantha Grant;

Interview with Samantha Grant, a survivor of sexual assault on an evening out with friends. Besides having recently graduated, she now acts as an advocate against sexual assault, by sharing her story on social and public speaking platforms. Having survived sexual assault she can speak from personal experience and thus be relatable to those who are survivors struggling to move past the encounter. She acts as inspiration and is not afraid to speak of her experience. Although still wounding and fragile information to relay to strangers, her motive is to not be crippled by her experience and remain victorious despite what happened to her.

Ø Key Lessons for Namibia

Create a culture where victims can share their stories and inspire survivors. This is to ensure that victim shaming is combated and that survivors be looked at as heroes. A survivors programme would be beneficial to victims, who can utilize it as a healing process, whilst simultaneously inspiring women who have undergone similar situation to grow past what they went through. To have someone come forth who has gone through what you have and ca stand tall and encourage is much more effective and personal.

Contact Details:

Contact:  443-851-4221; sallysongrant@gmail.com

Location:  1134 Penn St. NE, 20002

Men Can Stop Rape

"If not to change the world, why then live?"

Every philosopher is born by ability to get lost in ones thought and try piece together the wonders of the world. To try understand how gravity clings to the earths and doesn't get lost in the universe, or how the oceans know that this is as far as they can travel, or simply how your body knows to wake itself up after hours of sleeping. There are things in the world that many will debate and if not for discovery which is sparked by human curiosity, we would still believe the earth is flat and not round. Now when we come to arguing violence, some will associate it with character and not the influence of society, so it than boils down to perception. In the same manner one may read an article that scrutinizes the circumstances that lead to the demise of a human being, the circumstances that pushed him/her to pull the trigger on their partner and then turn it on themselves. It is argued that it does not matter what lead to such a tragedy, because nothing can explain the killing of another. I strongly disagree, because we have seen a trend in the articles, and I too believe that prevention is better than cure. So how than does one go about the prevention of violence? I am no expert and as such I, Energy 100 fm and the US Embassy of Namibia thought it to be a matter worth looking into. Worth studying and analyzing, as a result, maybe there is a missing link that can be pin pointed and could save millions of lives. 

During July 215, I (Mavis Braga Elias) alongside Joseph Ailonga travelled to the United States of America with the funding of the US Embassy of Namibia to research Gender Based Violence in the United States. This was to research the methods a developed country has implemented over the years and find methods we can implement in a developing country - Namibia. Over a period of two weeks, we visited organizations that deal with Gender Based Violence in Washington DC, as well as New York City. 

With the findings we have created a show called Change - Restoration of Dignity on the airwaves of Energy 100fm to educate and create a wave of change in the mind set of our Namibian people. We air the series during the week, and focus on one organization per week. With the research conducted, I shall be creating blog posts to have you the reader, equip yourself. 

Men Can Stop Rape is a non-profit organization based in Washington DC. It was established in 1997. I shall be posting links so that you the reader can read up more, as these blog posts are based on my personal opinions. 

One of the key factors that Men Can Stop Rape (MCSR) focuses on is the masculinity complex. That a man is to be macho and show no emotion, which leads to a build up of emotion that is not dealt with as men are taught to be tough. Emotional immaturity prevails and as a result, generally we find men who do not know how to deal with emotions of hurt, anger and frustration. This is what we call the masculinity complex. MCST has thus created educational programs in schools to teach boys  how to deal with their emotions. This is to tackle the complex at a young age and have boys know that it is okay to face your emotions. This is to ensure that you are than not trying to teach a dog new tricks come the age of 16, but have them develop with a different mentality. 

I met two young men by the name Kendall Gordy and Kingsley Opara, who were trained bu MCSR since they were about 12. As a result they have been able to grow with the organization and are now doing their internship at MCSR. What was interesting to note was the respect with which they addressed people. Something they say was as a result of having mastered their own identity and not have it defined by society. 

I too met a girl called Kaitlyn Marsh who is undergoing the women empowerment program from Ebony Wheeler. They have two heads to MCSR, which is the men which is known as MOST (Men of Strength) and women which is known as WISE (Women Inspiring Strength and Empowerment).

Below is an in detail summary of MSCR.

Men Can Stop Rape

The Men of Strength Club, or MOST Club, provides young men with a structured and supportive space to build individualized definitions of masculinity that promote healthy relationships. Since 2012, Women Inspiring Strength and Empowerment (WISE Club) has provided young women with a structured and supportive space to learn about healthy femininity and redefine what it means to be a strong woman. Challenging the images and “dominant stories” they see in the media, their communities and across the globe, WISE Club encourages young women to look within and become their best selves.

MOST Club's 22-week curriculum aims to:

·         Provide young men with a safe, supportive space to connect with male peers

·         Promote an understanding of the ways in which traditional masculinity contributes to sexual assault and other forms of men's violence against women

·         Expose young men to healthier, nonviolent models/visions of manhood

·         Build young men's capacity to become peer leaders and allies with women

·         Serve as a hub for social justice activism and nonviolence

Men Can Stop Rape approach

Primary prevention offers men a positive role to play. Put simply, this public health approach is about stopping the violence before it starts. End goals include not only healthy relationships but also healthy communities. In a healthy community the well-being and safety of all its members is of central importance. Gender-based violence, racist violence, and gay bashing destroy a community's health.

Bystander Intervention  Alan Berkowitz asserts in his research that 80% of college age men are uncomfortable when women are belittled or mistreated. They do not express their discomfort because they believe they are the only ones who are uncomfortable. Bystander intervention better equips men to express their discomfort. This strategy provides community members with the awareness, skills, and ability to challenge social norms in their community that support sexual assault. It is a tactic that meshes well with the social ecological model because bystander goals and outcomes can be developed and supported at the different levels.

Kendall Gordy is a blogger who shares the his personal opinions of growing up in modern day society. The challenges men face and healthy masculinity. He ensures that the pieces he writes are relatable and men across the globe can attest to the very challenges he writes about.

From Men Can Stop Rape's perspective, healthy masculinity supports the traits of healthy communities.

Some of the principles MCSR considers integral to healthy masculinity are:

·         Recognizing unhealthy aspects of masculinity

·         Empathizing with others

·         Supporting gender equity and other forms of equity

·         Replacing risky and violent masculine attitudes and behaviours
   and attitudes that respect the self and others

·         Learning skills to constructively challenge unhealthy masculine attitudes and
   behaviours

Engaging men to participate in the creation of a culture of primary prevention within their community requires a parallel process of building and supporting healthy masculinity.

Social Ecological Model

The social ecological model, advocated by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention as a model for primary prevention of sexual assault, recognizes that individuals do not exist in isolation. Instead, they exist within complex interplays of contextual factors, both micro and macro, that the model defines as “relationship, community, and societal” influences (see figure below). Social AND Emotional Learning  While still not as esteemed as academic learning, social and emotional learning’s (SEL) value and importance is gaining ground. The connection between academic success and SEL is undeniable. The Carnegie Council on Adolescent Development Task Force and the Learning First Alliance claim that once students’ social, emotional, and physical needs have been addressed, then academic learning can take place.  Dominant Stories of Masculinity Men Can Stop Rape’s (MCSR) groundbreaking use of dominant stories and counter stories has been central to its prevention efforts. Adapted from Hilde Nelson’s Damaged Identities: Narrative Repair, the dominant and counter story concept helps to raise critical awareness of unhealthy masculinity and build in its place a positive, healthier masculinity.

                        

At Men Can Stop Rape, we like to use the phrase, “sustained saturation.” By this we mean that if we are to have a lasting impact, we have to get into schools or cities or states and sustain the work, as well as saturate the environment. This way, the messages and ideas are pervasive and present over a lengthy amount of time. This cannot be done without collaboration.

Women Inspiring Strength and Empowerment

Ebony Wheeler is the head of the WISE Club and is a mentor. She facilitates the activities the club undertakes and launches the WISE Club all across the country. Having met up with her, we discussed the aims and objectives of the club, and its function. At the time of meeting, she too was with Kaitlyn Marsh who is a mentee.

Ebony Wheeler (Right) and Mavis Elias Braga (Left)

WISE Club provides members with:

·         Access to positive female mentors

·         Fun environments

·         Healthier understandings of womanhood and     femininity

·         Increased self-esteem and personality development

·         Increased awareness of men’s role in preventing violence against women

·         Increased skills

·         Public action to prevent violence against women

·         Conflict resolution skills

An evolution begins in WISE Club, because we transform what it means to be a woman by creating safe spaces to discuss difficult issues, like date rape, gender norms, violence and body image issues. Involvement in this revolutionary program can be the catalyst for maturation into a self-aware and confident young woman.

 Kaitlyn Marsh is a student-athlete at Makinley Technology High School in Washington DC. She is currently studying Biotechnology and is a member of the WISE Club. She shed light on the positivity of being a member and how it has provided her a platform to mould her character in accordance to her beliefs and morals. The core lesson she learnt at WISE is to be comfortable in

Kaitlyn Marsh (Left) and Mavis Braga Elias (Right)

Ø Key Lessons for Namibia

                          Target the youth to implement the power of knowledge about violence. The key concept is not to try teach an old dog new tricks, but rather have the child grow up with lessons about violence. This will ensure we target and eradicate the misconceptions of masculinity and ultimately change the mind set of generations to come. Have a child understand that to be masculine does not mean to have no emotions, but rather to have the power to control ones emotions. To ensure the child is taught in school emotional maturity and the power one has to eradicate GBV. The concept of the bystander is fundamental, the power to speak up when one witnesses abuse of another, as opposed to simply walking away. The idea would be to have local school implement a program in the school curriculum aimed at the young child aged 11. As this is when awareness of emotions is experienced by the child. In turn, with the lessons being taught at such a tender age, we create a culture of no violence amongst the youth.

Contact Details:

Interview Neil Irvin, Executive Director; “Men Can Stop Rape”

Info:  http://www.mencanstoprape.org

Contact:  Adrian Valdivia 202-534-1831

Location:  1130 6^th St. NW Suite #100

For every day away from you, I will write

Writing is what heals my heart. Covering blank pages with the images of my heart, painting vivid pictures of what I wish to have, crafting dreams I wish to build and drawing images I wish to never erase.

Dance with me

You may have two left feet, but you never fail to find your rhythm as you swift me around the room. Having your arm wrap around my back, having you pull me close and tilt my head back as I draw in your scent. Intoxicating my lungs with your scent, sending a shiver down my spine that reminds me of how you make me feel alive and sending adrenaline to my heart as it beats to the rhythm of songs I neither knew or cared to remember. Portuguese words I don't understand, yet they have me feeling I can comprehend the feeling of joy. They say, ' I gotta go my love, but I will be back real soon", only I thought them to be lyrics to a song, I never thought they would translate into my reality. A reality that terrifies me, as it leaves too many blank pages. It leaves room for good-bye. It leaves room for uncertainty and fear. Fear of the impossible possibilities. Possibility that I could loose you, yet creating a fire of hope that you will forever be mine. Mine to hold, mine to care for, mine to never let go of. Where do I draw the line, where do I draw the line of hope?

This reminds me of a Friday night, spent dancing in the night, Only music to guide our steps, yet trusting that they are in-sync. Trusting, never doubting. Believing, never faltering. Feeling, never guarding. A time when emotions where so raw, you could reach out and touch them. Without a trace of fear, because forever didn't look long enough. Days on end spent with just you and I. Days on end that just required a happy me and a joyful you. Hours would pass like a haze, because time became an element of the day. Not the defining factor. It didn't matter, because all that mattered was you and I in that moment.

Now, all I can do is write, and hope that one day I can write with you by my side.

"Is there a book out there that tells one how to deal with missing you?"
"Unfortunately not. As it is filled with blank pages, that cannot be written by hand, but by the heart."

Let me be honest..

They say let go and let God. I have yet to apply this properly. What it means to let go of the things you do not understanding and letting God figure it out. I am a human being, operating in the natural realm. Now, lets take it back before I speak of things that may not make sense. This is not to be condescending, because the very things I am about to write about I learnt just this year.

The natural and spiritual realm
There is three of you, the human being. The one that we see, the physical you, the one we see in the world.

Wait.. Hold up.. 

I am going to be honest with you. This entire blog post started with me wanting to just off load on the feelings that simply are making no sense in my head. I have long since learnt that the best way to sieve through my thoughts is by writing them down. My thoughts tend to take a sequential pattern when I write them down. Naturally, I can write end on end and say pretty much nothing, because I have the gift of speech. When I started writing this post I was going to make it educational, about the natural realm and the spiritual realm, because it is a lesson I leant from my Pastor this year. The greatest gift as yet.

Now, I can teach and write on things I have been taught, but in order to teach there needs to be a level of wisdom which I do not possess. This is not to underestimate my abilities, but rather living in truth. The one thing I can write about with the utmost wisdom is my journey. The one area I know everything about, because my life is to be a living testimony.

If you read my blog, you will see an evident growth. I came from a place where maturity lacked, and granted that may have a lot to do with age, but the truth is that the growth came from a change of lifestyle. Let me tell you a story, this is me laying my life down in truth. This is me being entirely honest, because my life may become someone's booster. I was and am not perfect, I live in sin more than I wish to admit, but the one thing I do get right, is I get up. For every fall I take in my walk, I get up. For every time I find myself drowning and see myself loosing grasp of God, I push through. Condemnation is the one thing that keeps us from being the best us.

I write this post in obedience, because the truth is I do not know how I came about telling you about my life, when my initial intention was to write on letting go and letting God.

So here is my story..

When I was growing up, I had the greatest attitude problem that one could encounter. I was unpleasant and was so opinionated it would quickly irk you. I had the highest wall up around my heart, that not many people knew who I really am. What is interesting is that I knew this, I knew that I walked around portraying an image that was not the true me. I lived my entire high school career too afraid to let people close, for fear they may hurt me. Such that, those that looked in from the outside, viewed me as someone who one did not mess with. I derived pleasure in knowing that I was untouchable, but the truth is that I was incredibly lonely. I starved my heart of affection, I starved myself of personal relations and starved myself of true friendships. I kept everyone at bay and fed people enough about myself to have them think we were friends when really I didn't know how to be a friend. I didn't know how to hold relations, because I was protecting myself from everyone. The truth of the matter is that in order to hold relations, you need to have yourself vulnerable, which was my greatest battle. I could not fathom having someone have any control of feelings. It felt as though I was giving control over to someone else. Now, can you see how sad that is. That I had walls in place when no one was attacking. I turned cold, because there was no heart give. One would then ask the question, what about your family, are they not to teach you how to love? Well, yes. Only my biological parents relationship disintegrated at age 12, which is where my insecurities stem from. A 12 year old would never have associated the two. It takes a level of introspection to understand where the root cause of your insecurities is derived from.

After school, I went to university where I craved true friendship. I was not blind to the fact that I did not have real friends. Which was not the fault of the people I had as friends at the time, but entirely my own. I was the one with the defense mechanism. It was only upon me wanting true friendships that I was able to open my heart up. The friendships I made in university had their own storms, because they then had to teach me how to be less protective of myself and rather protective of my friendships. It took a season of growth. I mean simple things like me needing something delivered in town, but I simply didn't have the time to do it, they would offer to do. It was unfamiliar territory. I was not used to having a problem and have someone feel it emotionally the same way as I. I was not used to care. That someone could care deeply for me such that my birthday was celebrated with gifts and dinners. It was simply unfamiliar. In them teaching me how to love the right way, it took from them. It needed patience and understanding. Something they availed me gladly. Although I paint a pretty picture right now, I did some horrible things along the way. I hurt people along the way.

Recently when I was doing an outreach for our church, a girl walked past and simply refused to come to the stand. I recognized her from high school, and naturally I smiled at her. She looked me in the eye and continued walking on. So, a protective me showed face and turned around and continued as though nothing happened. Now, that dampened my mood, yet I put a smile on my face and continued. I was doing outreach and one needs to understand that I was to be doing the work of God, but wasn't acting the part. I simply threw it off my shoulder, because I was hurt. At no point in time did I stop to think why her attitude toward me would be so cold.

Later that day, a friend of mine who was doing outreach with us came to me and explained to me that the very girl I saw who wouldn't come to the stand told her she cannot stand me. She went on to explain that it was as a result of my attitude towards her during my high school years. Now, just because I changed my life and healed myself, it does not take away that there are people I may have hurt along the way, who do not view it that way. Some may argue that forgiveness is key, but what one too needs to look at is that our actions have consequences. Who is to say that she was not to be delivered to Christ that very day, but I was the shield. Our actions stretch far deeper than we could ever know. It left me feeling horrible and to date I have as yet to call her an apologize for my behavior. I simply have no idea where to start. Writing this post it occurs to me that I ought to make an effort to apologize.

Now, even in my Jesus Walk I still get a lot of things wrong. I find myself in positions where my spirit reprimands me and I reflect and cannot understand how I find myself in such positions. Ever look back at something you did in the spur of the moment and cannot seem to understand why you would do such a thing as you know better? Well, we are living in the natural realm and fighting a spiritual battle. It is absolutely normal to fall, but it is not normal to stay down. Ensuring that you do not have a Jesus Coat that you put on for church and take it right off the moment you walk out of church, but rather have your Jesus Walk that goes with you wherever you go. You know, sometimes I feel unworthy to even tell someone how to live right, because I am my biggest critic. I look at my life and my mistakes and feel hypocritical. This is when I decided to never tell someone something I myself have not gone through. I speak as someone who has my fair share of mistakes, but never fail to go back to God.

So get up, go on and keep going. It doesn't matter how many timees you fall, what matters is how many times you get up.

And yes, I shall contact her. Cheers to a more honest blog.

PROCRASTINATION.. the unsung hero

To understand this, you need to dissect the beliefs of spirituality. The belief that God's timing is the only timing that matters, regardless of how pressed you may be to see the outcome of your own desires.

God will never place anything on your heart, and not give you capability

To trust completely is a human flaw possessed by all. Not only does this require a level of letting go of self, but trusting in the unknown. Trusting that the universe will align your stars and capture your desires. This requires that procrastination be your best friend, till such a time that it feels right and you are ready to go. All too often we jump into things and want to see results, simply because we fear that we may never see our desires realized. In doing so, we may end up taking on a task that will inevitably fail because the timing is not right. How then does one heed against procrastination and living out your dreams? As it is said, "It's the things we didn't do that we most regret, as opposed to the things we did do." The truth of the matter is that we usually know when the timing is right, because our souls and spirits align. The energy we derive from with in, gives the extra boost it takes to see out our desires. Ever had that feeling of dread to do something, and you push ahead anyways? And in most instances the results are far from satisfactory because your heart was not in it. 

Let me share a little personal insight on this.. My greatest fear is mediocrity. The thought of not living out my potential gives me nightmares. This in turn has me taking on more than I can handle, at rates that simply aren't normal to the human capacity. In turn I tend to have far more on my plate then is necessary at any given time. So with the fear, may come a pressure to do things that are not in the right timing. One can usually tell whether something is in the right timing by doing an introspection on how your heart feels. Procrastination may be your very best friend, as that may mean that the timing just is not right. The timing just is not now. 

Understanding that whatever desire has been placed in your heart, you have equally the same ability to have it realized. The trick is establishing whether that desire has been placed in your heart by your creator or whether it is derived from the world. God has given you capabilities to supersede any given desire he lays on your heart. Notice how usually the very things you are talented at is where your hearts desire lies. When it is advised by all motivational speakers that, 'do what you love and you will never have to work a day in your life', gives me the impression that it is to be effortless. The things you are talented at will never feel like work to you because they come to you naturally. This however does not mean that you won't have to give an extra push to see the results you want and need. All things worth having, are worth working for.

Fear is the greatest motivator

See , as much as timing evaluation is essential, so is ability to push through the moments of fear. One of the things that bind us and keep us from seeing out our desires is fear. The moment you are faced with questions of, "what if it doesn't work, what if I make a fool of myself.." It is time to get up and get doing. The moment fear is a part of something, it usually means there is great potential. If something does not scare you, it rarely has great potential. The greatest ideas are risks. If it were not a risk, many others in the world would be doing it, actually some are already doing it, which begs the question, why can't you? 

When you take your fear and make it your motivator, you take what could potentially tear you down and make it your greatest supporter. Ensuring that, fear be the thing that has you go the extra mile. Fear is healthy as it is the very thing that may push you. The fear of failing is a great motivator. As opposed to seeing all the negative, why not have the very things that scare you, push you to do better?

Recently I had a conversation with a friend who had the fear of starting a blog. She feared that it wouldn't be all she saw it to be and feared failing. Now, if one looks at her story, the one thing she feared was to be her very motivator. The fear of having her blog not live up to her expectations is to drive her to make it the very best she can. She has the heart, the drive, the love and the passion. Fear needed to be a contributing factor to see out the success of that blog. She is to ensure that the blog surpassed her wildest dreams,and that is her only way of running from her fear. Now, one would then ask the question, how is she to know the timing is right? It has been right all along, because she had fear binding her. The moment she liberates herself, she is ready. Had she not seen the fear to be but an obstacle, it could easily have engulfed her, but once you recognize your fear for what it is, it no longer has power over you. 

Liberate yourself, and sing for the unsung hero.. Procrastination

To Karina

Be set free. Fear no longer has power over you.

Okay superwoman.. Do it all then..

All to often we bombard ourselves with a work load we can't fathom how to get through, forget past. We get stuck in a cycle that dictates that in order to be successful you need to work till you see the bones in your knuckles. It is however true that one needs to have work as the key ingredient in attaining the said success, but what happens when you are working yourself to a bent back, but results do not reciprocate the efforts?

"How do you keep up with your schedule?" are the words that are said to me at least twice a day.

 At first I took pride in my work ethic, I relished in knowing that I had a stamina and drive that burnt each day. That I could wake up at the crack of dawn and get to working tirelessly till the midnight oil was burning, day after day. Until the fateful day.

It started with me getting up and as usual directing my energy to what was to be attained and completed for the day. A glance at my journal said that I had at least a dozen meetings to get  through, followed by work from the said meetings and end the day  with tackling the pending projects. Neither one of these things bothered me, except a pain in my lower back and a throbbing headache begging for rest. I would recite they famous life quote, 'if you want to live like a queen, you need to work like a slave'. I headed out about my business and as I was approaching the venue for my meeting I simply could not find the strength in my legs to carry me the 20m it was going  to take me to get seated. I turned around, images blurred in front of me and hailed a cab with energy I neither know where I got from nor cared to think about. I headed home and went to bed, fully dressed and passed out. For the rest of the week I could not get up, I could not take food in and I couldn't seem to concentrate on anything for more then 5 minutes. I had my first mental break-down.

Exhaustion was something that was spoken about at home, and a lesson I purposely choose to ignore for I always thought I knew better. Wrong. I believed exhaustion was merely an excuse to not work and get the full potential you reserve out of yourself. Wrong. I believed that you needed to do  twice as much as the average human to attain the things only you dared dream of. Wrong. No matter how much work ethic you posses, the one key ingredient that will always be needed is rest. Rest is the one essential key element that will ensure that you get done all that is required of you at maximum speed, and only helps your concentration. Yet, we deprive ourselves in the hope that this be false, and that the only way we can push forward toward our dreams is if we work till the images blurr in front of us.

I admire work ethic, I admire hard work and I sure as hell admire drive. The one thing I learnt in the time that I couldn't so much as move a muscle is that, you cannot afford to loose an entire week of work. Ironic right, considering that in the midst of having a mental break-down I was to be thinking about how I should be getting more rest and not about how much work I needed to get done. Now, in having realized how detrimental it can be to my career to have to rest it out, I also realized how fundamental it is to take a break and say that, now I rest.

If I am to be entirely honest, it is not that I believed I needed to work like a slave that drove me into exhaustion. I ran from myself and drove myself such that I didn't need to face my inner demons. What are those demons you may ask, the fear of failure. I was so afraid that if I took a minutes rest I would fall behind on my work and never regain the momentum. I was so afraid that procrastination would become my friend. I was terrified that maybe if I do not seize the opportunities granted to me right now I would miss out on my golden chance. Now, although these things are what could send me into a turmoil of fear, they too should be the very things that drive me and ensure that I have enough trust in myself to know that rest will not take away my ambition. Rest would not rid me of my momentum. That belief in self is what lacked, that I had to sit and drive myself into exhaustion at such a young age is scary. Yet, we find it in so many driven people. What genuinely gets to me is that people who have done those very things of working themselves past crazy hours will say those very things in their motivational speeches that they survived on three hours sleep. The human body needs an average of 6 hours sleep to function at full capacity. Do not be fooled into thinking that rest is not essential. You can only be superwoman if you can fly, and energy is needed to fly.

So fly on superwoman. Fly on.

Bare my Soul

"I wish I had never given birth to you"
Are the words that achoed through my body
Not missing a synapse, nor a heartbeat
Settling in the core of my soul, only unsettled
For like piercing piece of glass
it tore apart at all I had come to believe true about a mother
Falling like shards of glass to the base of my feet begging for my attention
It begged me to look up
Only I hoped to see the woman who was to protect me from all the wrongs of the world
The Angel who was to protect me from all the hurt of the world
The woman who gave birth to my innocent little soul

Only all I saw was distress, past regret and mistakes
A mixture of emotions so raw you could reach out and touch it
These very emotions had me cave into myself and shut myself from the world
For it begged the question, where was this God they speak of?
This God that is to protect me from the world and its misery
For it is written in the books of Psalms
I shall not fear, for the Lord is my shepherd


Only I felt like a lost sheep, who was too small for the world
I could easily be swallowed and forgotten
Only, the reality is I wanted to be swallowed
I wanted to be forgotten
I wanted to die

But see, this is when my Saviour showed face
In His armor of glory and goodness
Showing me that God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
For, he works in ways we cannot see.

After what that moment passed,
Which felt like minutes, hours, weeks and centuries
I saw a glimmer of light for my mum shed the tears
she had long forgotten she needed to shed
She weeped for the life she had long forgotten she wanted to live
For the family she had long forgotten she wanted to have
With more love then the world knew what to do with

She had forgotten her purpose, her destiny
For so engulfed in her sorrow was she
that no light could shine through

I took the hand of the woman who was to be my light
and prayed light into her life
I prayed that her eyes be unscaled
that she be able to see the greatness that is her life
For her destiny was far greater and brighter then any mistake could rid of her
She was to be the world's greatest mother

And so slowly the cloud of darkness started to life
She found her smile,
She found her purpose
She found her destiny
Now see, her destiny wasn't incoperated in the cooperate world
She wasn't to be an entrepreneur
She was simply to be the woman they speak of in genesis
One that labors for her family and she does it with such grace.

She came from a place of darkness and found her light
And all she had to do was bow her head and submit to God
In turn her Father put his wings of protection around her
and lead her step by step to her destiny
She is the world's greatest mother.

Fear Not

See they say beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, yet they behold not the truth that lies between these layers of material. Covering the hurt, the bruises and the scars. That paint vivid blue and purple images of past hurt. These vivid pictures are of the life I wish to burry beneath an ocean of tears, that will ride the tides and touch the shores of my soul. Promising that in the high tide I shall not drown of sorrow, or in the low tide I shall not die of the cold, because for as sure as my Savior will carry me, so sure am I that past mistakes will not define my destination. See we all find ourselves at the cross road, but instead of leaning on our own understanding we should be able to bend one knee, followed by the other, clasp our heads and weave them into a lace of crossed fingers, bow our heads and pray.

Pray for serenity, because that is were exceptance comes from. Understanding that thy past is but that. Importance is in looking ahead and ensuring that you walk the path that was long drawn out by you and I’s saviour . On the cross are your sins and embedded in the palm of his hand are the marks of the nails that dug through his flesh that show that your sins are long forgiven. After serenity you pray for courage, to dust your knees off and pick up your breast plate of righteousness. Cloth yourself in the armor of God, for the only proverb you are to reciet is that in Proverbs 3 verse 5, for lean not on your own understanding as after the prayer of courage to change the world and see out the visions instilled onto your life you should seek wisdom. See, wisdom is like a garden that needs watering and if not fed regularly its petals will shrink, its leaves will fall and its roots will come loose of the soil that is to be the word of God that feeds this wisdom.

Now I ask you, what are you afraid of? Why do you hide underneath layers and layers of social media when really a conversation is what you crave? Why do you hide behind an “I am fine, how are you?” when really you want to share the traumas of your life? Why is it that you cannot come forth and proclaim the victories of your life when all you need do is speak them to life?

What are you afraid of?

The Interview of my Life

Staring back at me as though through a magnifying glass is my potential,

Engraved in the cracks of past experiments

Are the cracks that speak at me as though a mirrored reflection of fear

Fear of who I am, Fear of what I could be

Be the powerful human I am inclined to be

As though the inclination will shift my balance

And throw me off the path I am intended to walk, speak, be

No! This is the interview of my life I silently chant, this is it!

Sitting at the one end of the table,

Fingers laced as though trying to lace together every thought

Of fear, tucked behind my ear are the masks and masks of uncertainty

I cleared my throat and was ready for the interview of my life

And so the woman who rode the tides and waves of success

Sat across me ready to decipher the hieroglyphs of my life,

of my brain, of my.. intelligence.

And so the the interview of my life began after a piercing silence

That felt as though it would tear through the walls of protection I had built

The sequential answers I had prepared

For, everything started to fold and piece itself to this very moment,

The years and year of hard work,

Years and years of sleepless nights,

All tied together to this interview which tied together my destiny,

For its success spoke of my succession of liberty, freedom and  kingdom

This liberty is to be the light that illuminates from the corners within me

Casting away any element of fear

Any shadow of darkness

And any hint of doubt

So  I squared my shoulders, cleared my throat as she asked me to spell the word SUCCESS

My brain started throwing words at me that I couldn't decipher

Words that weren’t sequential, nor credential

For so influential was my response that it terrified every pore within me,

Only this fear reminded me of a time in 6^th grade.

As it took me straight back to the spelling where I was asked,

“Spell success”

S U C C E S S

Success, NOUN

A favourable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavours,

The accomplishment of one’s goals and ambitions

Origin- Latin successus

Equivalent to succeed

Stems from Succeeder

Synonyms – achievements, fame, triumph

Success 

Slaved after yet never retrieved

Achieved yet never grieved

Believed yet never conceived

Sought yet never retrieved

Success is not to be defined by you, me, we

For our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,

Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure

For our abilities are far greater then we can fathom

What our imagination can conjure is but a drop in the Atlantic

As oceans will part 

And mountains will move

If we harness the greatness that is you, me, we

For the human ability is far greater and wiser the

Me, I, you can fathom.

That is my definition of success.