The Walking Contradiction

“Do not compare me to that girl Mavis,” are the words that inspired this piece. It’s not a matter of trying to plead my case, because at no point will there be reference to my life situation, but rather dissecting how one can utter those words and not know the person in question.

See, we live in a society filled with more gossip than we can take in. Such that to we can draft a full up biography, with references, of people we have never met, never mind laid eyes on. Social media was invented to have humans interact and connect from miles away, and although there are plenty of advantages, the disadvantages stare us dead in the eye. That one can be so informed about another’s life without so much as having uttered a sentence to those said people over months. The bother is not so much the information as it is the use of information. That we can sit around a table and have a full fledged conversation about people we genuinely do not know. That rumours can colour another’s reputation by a simple “Did you hear?” and after that source A will be sure to add spice and everything nice at the next opportune time to share.

It irks me that we are so easily persuaded about peoples character without so much as an actual analysis, that one can have such an engraved opinion on someone they know nothing of. Not taking into consideration the obvious factors that will come into play, such as people will be sure to paint anyone in a negative light if they have a score to settle, jealousy is the greatest booster to telling loathsome things about another and the actual favourite, wanting to seem as though you know the said person when in actual fact, this person is not even aware you breathe oxygen never mind exhale carbon dioxide. However, trust and believe that your life will be discussed and painted an ugly smear of red to show just how worthless and shallow you are to the masses. What’s genuinely flabbergasting is how the rumour mill is sure to tell every nasty thing, but will evade all that paints the genuine you. Such that you will get the words, “You are nothing like what it is I expected.” Translated – I have heard so many things about you that no longer add up.

The reality of things is that people will always talk, the core of the matter is that it will not be by your probing or doing, but simply being. You do not have to be a gold digger to be labelled one, you do not have to be broke to be labelled poor, you do not have to be a female dog to be labelled loose, you do not have to do a damn thing but simply coexist on earth.

My biggest bother in life is how we expect treatment we will not readily reciprocate. The mass of water always looks far deeper then it is, is the very way people will portray depth, not knowing that at the reaching of you, you are as shallow as your judgement. We expect that rumours be said about us and people know better by observation and not believe everything they are told, because fact remains, people lie. Such that the rumour mill is filled to the brink with a cascade of lies that filtering for truth is like trying to find a needle in a hay stack. Yet, the rumour mill does not run itself, humans do. What is the biggest contradiction is the speed at which we believe these said rumours about another, as its always funny when you are not on the receiving end, but the minute the tables turned, our default setting of believing the rumour mill should seize and we try analyse that this is nothing but mere lies.

Why should I believe you are better?

Why should you believe otherwise is the more appropriate question. As hearing about someone cannot be classed the same as knowing them. The very same way you expect that people get to know you through you, as opposed to what they have heard about you, you owe the same courtesy to another. Relating the very things you have heard about yourself that do not hold water, is the same way you should understand that it too can be done to another.  In the event that what you have heard is your reason for not wanting to avail the said person a chance to show you who they really are, can be respected. However, do not be the person that continues the rumour mill about another.

Don’t tell me what they said, tell me what made them comfortable to tell you.

See, this statement is so real. It should be the foundation of any friendship, as it is said show me your friends and I will show you who you are. What we fail to understand is that, some people are not your friends. The very people that can be clothed as your friends, are the ones rooting for your failure. By understanding that, you will then be able to decipher who genuinely is a friend. There is a significant difference between an acquaintance and a friend. The ability to be able to differentiate and critically analyse who brings rumours to you is essential. How they heard about you, is where the key lies.

Double Standards

We expect that people know better and not believe the lies told about us yet believe the lies old about others. It genuinely does not come together, its contradicting and shows a wavering in character stability. Knowing your stance on a matter and being able to stand firm in your belief system will ensure that you know very well how to react to situations such as that, the rumour said about another. I, particularly have no time for that, “He said, she said” bollocks, it is an utter waste of time and is just plain not needed.

So, here is a conversation I had with a guy who genuinely took the scales off my eyes.

Him: I am the most judgmental person I know, and I do not try down-play it, I am genuinely honest about it.

Me: Being judgmental says a lot more about you than it does about the other person, as humans have a tendency to portray our insecurities onto others. As a reflection of internal insecurities, they derive satisfaction in looking down upon another’s.

Him: I am only as judgmental as I am because I expect the utmost from myself, so in turn I set they very same standards for other people. Those insecurities you speak of are not internal, but rather external as I am not blind to them and I too do not try cover them up with lies of solitude.

Me: That further cements my analysis on your insecurities, only difference is they are not deep rooted and internal, but rather external and your awareness may be stronger than that of the average human.

We all embody insecurities we low-key try reflect on other people. The fact that as humans we tend to derive flaws from other people, says a lot more about oneself than it does about the other person. Rarely do we have people actually acknowledge their reflection of themselves onto others, such that when judgement is cast it really is a reflection of oneself as opposed to the lacking of another. In truth, we sneer at things we cannot fully comprehend, judge the things we do not understand and want after the things we spend our time talking about.