“If you
are man enough to make a child, you should be man enough to take care of the
child” are the famous words by Dianne Hubbard. According to the Oxford
English Dictionary a father is a man who provides care and protection, those
being the two essential possessions a child needs growing up. Every child needs
the protection of a father figure, it not only helps in character building, but
with the mind-set the child grows up with. It is a well known fact that a child
brought up without a father stands an 80% chance of also walking out on their
child. A man is supposed to be the care-taker, the one who teaches
responsibility, but not only teaches it but lives it. The best way to teach a
child is to be what you are teaching, and when a man walks out on his family
that is what the child will pick up as a result. Thus creating a cycle, and that is what we
see in our world today.
A mass of
Namibian citizens in our day and time tend to take the responsibilities of
parenthood lightly. Every child needs to grow up with a father, someone to
teach them how to be a man. A household needs someone to keep it in check, to
ensure good manners are taught and responsibility is sowed. Every child needs
fatherly love, as well as love from a mother.
One needs to strike a balance
between the two, to allow the child an opportunity to grow to their full
potential without the lack of one or the other. Being a father is not only
amongst the most difficult jobs in the world, but it too is extremely
challenging. Taking into consideration the expenses, emotional strain and hard
decisions that come with the job description. The question at hand is, is that
reason enough for fathers to flee the responsibility?
It is
widely known worldwide that today, father absence is among the most pervasive
social problem challenging not only Namibia, but Africa as a continent. The presence of
a responsible father improves a variety of outcomes for children and serves as
a protective factor against problem behaviours including teen drug use,
pregnancy, truancy, and criminal activity. Thus, it is a necessity to support
and encourage fathers to become more present and actively involved in their
child's life. While the vision is to have all fathers positively involved in
the lives of their children and families, mentoring or having the presence of a
positive father figure in the absence of a father has proven to be a powerful
tool for helping youth reach their full potential.
Namibian
Statistics
Never married - 56%
Married legally - 28%
Informally Cohabiting - 7%
Women as head of house - 45%
Fathers around after age 12 - 20%
Namibian
fathers are known to neglect their responsibilities, simply choosing to not
follow through. Statistics show that only 12% of fathers are still around after
the age of 12, meaning after the age of 12, 88% of Namibian children do not
have father figures. Children grow up with single mothers, who struggle to pay
rent, let alone pay school fees. Resulting in an ocean of guilt as they feel
they are the result of all the suffering experienced by the household. Every
child deserves a chance at a happy life. Yes, it is no guarantee that had the
father been around, they would be better off. That brings us to the
responsibility issue, four out of ten Namibians say Namibian fathers are
responsible in comparison to other developing countries. So why is it then that
there are so many fatherless children in Namibia?
It was
found that compared to children with father figures, children without contact
with their fathers were five times more likely to live in poverty and twice as
likely to commit crimes and to drop out of school. Suicide and teenage
pregnancy were too laid on the table. By all
measures and actions, dads can too be the “mothers” of a household (Magenya,
2001).
“This did not detract from my mom, because she has been a great father”, says
Magenya. Mothers tend to call the shots and teach that being a woman took
nothing away from one’s ability to do r be anything you set your mind to. It
does something to a child to learn gentleness from a man and strength from a
woman.
It is
said that the main reason we have such an alarming rate of single mothers is
due to the fact that the last generation did not have fathers due to a Namibia
having being war-torn and so the cycle continues. This results in children
acting out, falling pregnant and abusing drugs. They not only face the fact
that their fathers are absent but they too have to deal with the public eye.
Children without fathers tend to perform poorly in comparison to fathered
children. The child’s potential is “crippled” by the absence of a father thus
not growing to their full potential.
As a
Namibian nation we can grow towards a better future, by not only realising the
problem, but working toward changing it. Informing the public on the effects
the absence of a father has on the child, encouraging marriage and mentoring.
By mentoring a fatherless child we help break the cycle and thus break the
chain. As generation after generation fathers walk out on children as they know
nothing about being a father, mentoring will thus teach them how to be a
father. Yes, we have a lack of responsible fathers, but one step at a time and
that can all be fixed.
“There is no greater love then that of a father and
a mother, but nothing hurts more than the lack of it”- Morris Kalunduka. Every
child deserves the equal opportunity to live to their full potential without
being “crippled” by the absence of a father. Fathers are supposed to be the
care-takers and the protectors. Yes, being a father is not the easiest job, but
that brings us back to the phrase by Dianne Hubbard, “No child should suffer
the consequences of an irresponsible father”. No child deserves to grow up
without a father figure.
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