The Absence of a father

“If you are man enough to make a child, you should be man enough to take care of the child” are the famous words by Dianne Hubbard. According to the Oxford English Dictionary a father is a man who provides care and protection, those being the two essential possessions a child needs growing up. Every child needs the protection of a father figure, it not only helps in character building, but with the mind-set the child grows up with. It is a well known fact that a child brought up without a father stands an 80% chance of also walking out on their child. A man is supposed to be the care-taker, the one who teaches responsibility, but not only teaches it but lives it. The best way to teach a child is to be what you are teaching, and when a man walks out on his family that is what the child will pick up as a result. Thus creating a cycle, and that is what we see in our world today.

 

A mass of Namibian citizens in our day and time tend to take the responsibilities of parenthood lightly. Every child needs to grow up with a father, someone to teach them how to be a man. A household needs someone to keep it in check, to ensure good manners are taught and responsibility is sowed. Every child needs fatherly love, as well as love from a mother. 

One needs to strike a balance between the two, to allow the child an opportunity to grow to their full potential without the lack of one or the other. Being a father is not only amongst the most difficult jobs in the world, but it too is extremely challenging. Taking into consideration the expenses, emotional strain and hard decisions that come with the job description. The question at hand is, is that reason enough for fathers to flee the responsibility?

It is widely known worldwide that today, father absence is among the most pervasive social problem challenging not only Namibia, but Africa as a continent. The presence of a responsible father improves a variety of outcomes for children and serves as a protective factor against problem behaviours including teen drug use, pregnancy, truancy, and criminal activity. Thus, it is a necessity to support and encourage fathers to become more present and actively involved in their child's life. While the vision is to have all fathers positively involved in the lives of their children and families, mentoring or having the presence of a positive father figure in the absence of a father has proven to be a powerful tool for helping youth reach their full potential.

Namibian Statistics

 Never married                        -           56%

Married legally                       -           28%

Informally Cohabiting             -           7%

Women as head of house         -           45%

Fathers around after age 12     -           20%

Namibian fathers are known to neglect their responsibilities, simply choosing to not follow through. Statistics show that only 12% of fathers are still around after the age of 12, meaning after the age of 12, 88% of Namibian children do not have father figures. Children grow up with single mothers, who struggle to pay rent, let alone pay school fees. Resulting in an ocean of guilt as they feel they are the result of all the suffering experienced by the household. Every child deserves a chance at a happy life. Yes, it is no guarantee that had the father been around, they would be better off. That brings us to the responsibility issue, four out of ten Namibians say Namibian fathers are responsible in comparison to other developing countries. So why is it then that there are so many fatherless children in Namibia?
 

It was found that compared to children with father figures, children without contact with their fathers were five times more likely to live in poverty and twice as likely to commit crimes and to drop out of school. Suicide and teenage pregnancy were too laid on the table. By all measures and actions, dads can too be the “mothers” of a household (Magenya, 2001). “This did not detract from my mom, because she has been a great father”, says Magenya. Mothers tend to call the shots and teach that being a woman took nothing away from one’s ability to do r be anything you set your mind to. It does something to a child to learn gentleness from a man and strength from a woman.
 

It is said that the main reason we have such an alarming rate of single mothers is due to the fact that the last generation did not have fathers due to a Namibia having being war-torn and so the cycle continues. This results in children acting out, falling pregnant and abusing drugs. They not only face the fact that their fathers are absent but they too have to deal with the public eye. Children without fathers tend to perform poorly in comparison to fathered children. The child’s potential is “crippled” by the absence of a father thus not growing to their full potential.

As a Namibian nation we can grow towards a better future, by not only realising the problem, but working toward changing it. Informing the public on the effects the absence of a father has on the child, encouraging marriage and mentoring. By mentoring a fatherless child we help break the cycle and thus break the chain. As generation after generation fathers walk out on children as they know nothing about being a father, mentoring will thus teach them how to be a father. Yes, we have a lack of responsible fathers, but one step at a time and that can all be fixed.

“There is no greater love then that of a father and a mother, but nothing hurts more than the lack of it”- Morris Kalunduka. Every child deserves the equal opportunity to live to their full potential without being “crippled” by the absence of a father. Fathers are supposed to be the care-takers and the protectors. Yes, being a father is not the easiest job, but that brings us back to the phrase by Dianne Hubbard, “No child should suffer the consequences of an irresponsible father”. No child deserves to grow up without a father figure.