“The only person that defines you, is you”, may be the biggest lie ever told by the very people who may overrule your actual personality and mold it into what they see fit. To be the sort of person who does not let society cultivate you and mold you into what is perceived normal, has to be about one of the worlds biggest envies I have. Although, I have to admit I have come across no such person in the short life that I have lived. Kanye West said, “What you want? A Bentley? A fur coat? A diamond ring? All you blacks want all the same thing.” Now, to fully grasp the brilliance in those lyrics, you need to strip his egotist self from the lyrics and see them for the truth they speak. Whether consciously or sub-consciously we are all the epitome of mediocre. We all aspire to the same things, and all our dreams are pretty much all different shades of grey, but nonetheless still grey.
The ability to shake the shackles that have been locked onto our ancestors and have been passed on from generation to generation is a task I am not about to assign to myself, but I am allowed to think beyond these shackles. To in actuality rid me of this desire to be successful at what I am passionate about, to become more then what my mind can grasp or even begin to imagine. See, this is what we are taught at home and then it is completely up to you, as to whether or not you will conform or go astray. By astray, we mean quit school to go pursue music and become a kwaito artist, because that is where your heart is at, LOL at the dream. See, there, there it is, the laughter at the ideaof succeeding in an industry that is pretty much dominated by the two tycoons, namely Gazza and The Dogg (I am Namibian, hence you can google them and if you must know, I have their personal phone numbers. Yes, I had to throw it in there damnit, wining!). Ok, in all seriousness, this is what we are programmed to believe in, that one has to choose a field of study that is guaranteed a job in the mediocre market and then you are to choose your prince charming and run off in the glazing sun of Windhoek with your happily-in-debt after. You are to smile and nod your head when his mother insist his cousin Nangula and Martha come live with you whilst they finish University in the city of bright lights. You are to not decline this, because if you do, every oshiwambo household will then continue to bad mouth your selfish self who perceives family as you, husband and pig-tailed children.
A speech delivered by Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie at a TEDxEuston conference in April 2013“We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, 'You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise you will threaten the man.' Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support. But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors – not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. Feminist: the person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes.”
Men who are threatened by the idea of a successful woman have two things that need correcting. 1. Unshackle yourself sir 2. Understand that a woman is to be your partner, not your inferior. Until, we can correct those very mentalities, it is rather pointless hosting an argument with a closed minded man in the 21st century. See, feminism can be a very tricky issue, because we as woman tend to blindly chase after it and get caught up on the sexist hype. If one is to listen to songs such as “Who run the world” by Beyonce, that is a sexist song. Yet, many don’t see it for that. Ia m not here to shed light on a matter of sexism, because I am no sexist. The idea, that one should see both sexes as equals is where I am at.
Now, correct me if I am wrong, but we are now living in an era where woman no longer aspire to marriage, although it may be in their life-long goals, it is not their main focus. What is most appealing, is that in such an instance, woman of this mind set are builders and will make kick ass (pun) wives. Now, miss me with that “depend on a man” talk. I want to want him, not for what he can do for me but for what we can do for each other. Not, how he can cater to my financial needs, but that he can cater to my soul. I need us to be compatible, on all levels. That he see me as his partner and not his responsibility. That he need me and not fear looking weak.
I am a feminist, what most will call a dreamer. After all Martin Luther King did say “I have a dream”.
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