We will be magic

I want to love someone with everything I have.
To love without the fear of being hurt.
To love and be loved without barriers.
I mean really love.

To be able to call you 50 times
because you aren't picking up
and not worry that I come across as too clingy.

To be able to rock up at your house
with ice cream and wine,
and not worry that I'm invading your space.

To be able to complain about sports
and have you pretend to pay attention
whilst still watching tv so I don't feel neglected.

To have you hold me tight
when I want to leave you on the couch
alone
watching sports
because you want me close to you.

To have you explain the soccer players
with so much patience
because you did this just last week.

To have you take the hair out my face
and kiss my forehead
just because you can.

Holding me in the rain
even though I just got my hair done
because well.
You are trying to die
and you'll get it redone tomorrow.

Wanting to spend every waking minute
with me
because you are my best friend
and my lover.

To toss popcorn at each other
in the cinema
because life is too short
to be so serious.

To go on surprise dates,
with candles
and just stare at the moon
as we look at the stars.
To have you name a star after me
because you see the glow in me.

I also want to share the tears with you
without fear that you'll leave with my heart.

To be able to go to you when I cry
because I know that you are hurting just as I am.
That you watching me cry
is not a sign of weakness
but a sign that I trust you
enough to be weak around you.

To have you whisper forever
in my ear every night
before we fall asleep,
because forever is ours.

That I can show you off to the world,
because I need the world to know
just how lucky I was
to find someone like you.

And I will love you.
Love you enough to have you give me your heart
and I'll guard it with my life.

To be able to wake you up
with breakfast in bed
because I need you to know
how special you are to me.

To have you come home to petals
littering the corridors
leading you straight to a bubble bath,
with a sports magazine on the side.

To have you come home
to surprise gifts
of your favorite soccer team.

To give you foot rubs.
To give you back massages.
To treat you like the king you are to me.

Still, we will know
who the true King is
as we will pray together.

To endure together.
To know that
no matter what life will throw at us
we will be okay.

Not because we have each other
but because we have God as the foundation.

Together, we will be magic.

A Ploy

I used to believe that depression was a ploy. That those that claimed it were too afraid to speak, so they opted to wallow and have everyone around them worry sick.

I was wrong. And as all things go that you know nothing about and have never experienced yourself, there was a level of ignorance. It is not until you experience it yourself that you can comprehend how it's tendrils will take hold of your soul and refuse to let go.

That getting out bed is like slicing your wrist, because you would rather not do it. You would rather have the curtains drawn for weeks. Only leaving your bed when it's completely necessary to have the world believe you are fine. As a student, that's not often. That when you choose to get out the rut, your instinct fight you, because they have become so accustomed to darkness, to being alone. Anything, but actually come out and face the world.

Depression is not a ploy. Depression hits you when you least expect it. Your body gives into this need to heal itself and sometimes, the only way it can do that - is by going into hibernation. Away from everyone and away from anything.

Saddest part about depression is that some don't make it out the rut before it's too late. The darkness consumes your heart. The darkness takes everything there is to take. It rips you apart and leaves nothing left, till you look in the mirror and realize you no longer recognize yourself.

You are lost.

Blank

What I feel burns to come out my chest. I am not only hurt, but I am numbed by all the ups and downs. You know after far too many downs, you simply stop feeling. You stop crumbling inside after yet another disappointment. In retrospect you simply stop feeling.

But what I feel right now inside my chest is indescribable. It's as though my heart is in knots. As though pumping blood to the rest of my body is simply too much a task for my broken heart to bear. As though breathing is difficult, and the feeling of dread in my spine makes me want to faint. I am simply so torn inside, it hurts.

I loved. I loved with all that is me. I fed, I cared and I was everything he needed me to be when he needed to be that. I shifted and molded myself to fit perfectly into the canvass he drew for me. Only as time will have it, I became too small. Too small for me and too small for him. I was insufficient and so it became okay for him to tell me about other women. In particular it became okay to watch him give her everything I wish he would give me. He did everything I always knew he could do. Only it wasn't for me, it was for her. I watched. And at first I thought I was okay with it. Till eventually it became too much to bear. Too much to watch the one you love, love someone else. Eventually the little he gave me simply wasn't enough.

Although I wonder when did I become this person who was okay with getting so little? When did I start to settle for less then I deserved? When did I first say it was okay that he loved me with the little he could?

I am not this person. If this is love I don't want it at all. I don't recognize myself. So painfully Inlove am I that I will bare all pain. No. That simply isn't fair. For me or for my heart. My heart deserves better.

To fight or walk away?

Will you ever really face yourself and admit that you are flawed? That under all the masks and masks of self assurity is layers and layers of flaw? That really the reason why you find yourself in a tussle of words with everyone you love, has nothing to do with them but everything to do with you?

Well, my truth is that I am too easily hurt. I love so freely, so easily. Which is not a flaw, it's my greatest strength, because I see good in everyone. In all that I do, I am certain good will come from it as it is said that "everything works out for my good." So why then do I feel like my need to give love out to the world is tearing me apart?

Love is not supposed to feel like one dark hole taking more from you then you want to give. It is not supposed to feel like the oxygen you breathe is taken from the room and all you do is suffocate on it's bitterness. I know as well as anyone does that life is to be beautiful. yet, lately it feels like anything but beauty.

I am caught in a cycle of despair. Wanting happiness, but it always an inch too far to reach. I am bone tired, soul wrenched and simply unable to go on. I admit, that this time, I don't know what to. To fight or to walk?

Career advice Mavis Braga lives by

 This is a feature that was done by MonoChrome Magazine, a Namibian based magazine in January 2015.  For more follow this link: https://monochromemagazineblog.wordpress.com

Mavis Pombili Braga Elias is a Co-Founder of Ehaveco Events, a Namibian based initiative focused on charity, woman empowerment and at helping people and businesses realize their full potential.  She serves as Executive chairperson of the board.

She also works on a charity project called “Love is Charity” founded in 2014. In the year 2011, she joined Radio Energy whilst pursuing her studies at the Polytechnic of Namibia (now known as NUST) towards a Bachelors in Civil Engineering. With this all simultaneously at play, she also holds a part-time job at Denchi Consulting Engineers.

We wanted to know why and how she manages to keep so busy. This is what she had to say: 

“The one thing our First lady said on her Masters of Success interview, was that “A high performance individual, ensures they lead a high performance lifestyle.” This is to say that if you want to be set apart in your journey and attain success, what are you doing every day to ensure you get the results?

Now, I hate mornings with every part of my soul. Every morning I need to fight myself out of bed, such that I sometimes have thoughts like, “do I really need this job?’ I have this theory that if life started at 10am I would be the hardest working citizen in this country. Nonetheless, it is during these times that I am reminded about what Madam Geingos said, “I am a high performance individual”.

I always have my vision in sight and I love looking forward. I have cast out my vision, written it on paper and every day I do bit by bit to get to my dreams. The lesson I learnt along the way is to enjoy every minute of it. There was a time I was so knee deep in work, I had no time for friends or family. I had a routine that literally comprised only of work, school and sleep. It resulted in a nervous breakdown during the worst time possible, the end of semester (exam time). I could not afford to be in bed resting, but my body was exhausted. It is from then on that I decided that success is not worth my health, and I will have fun to get to where I envision myself. I think that I worked as hard as I did, because I feared mediocrity. The thought scared me and in turn I worked myself to sheer exhaustion. It is important to strike a balance. It took that breakdown to fully understand and see that family is important, if anything it is more important than your dreams and ambitions.

If I am to give someone career advice, it would be the simply, ‘no condition in life is permanent.’ You always have the power to change any situation in your life. Knowing and understanding the power you have is essential, because fear of the unknown can sometimes cripple potential. The fear to; start that business, or quit that job that makes you unhappy, or go back to school. Life is too short to not see out your dreams. The beauty in it is that you can set small goals, that lead you to the bigger goal. This ensures that you feel like you are moving forward, because all too often we feel like we are pushing and working yet there are no results being yielded.

The one thing that my father told me in the year 2014 is that, ‘Do not be obsessed with success, but rather become obsessed with what will make you successful.” This quote has become what I live by, such that I make a conscious effort to forget about the perks that come with being successful and rather make an effort to enjoy the work that will lead me to the said success. It ensures that you enjoy what you are doing, without focusing on the rewards. I have come to realize that the more I simply enjoy the work, the more reward comes as a result. Far too often, we spend our time slaving away and not enjoying what we are doing, and wind up living miserably. Under the illusion that one day it will all be worth it. For the most part it is true, because you will most likely achieve the set out dream, but what happens when you don’t? All that labor, hard work and misery for nothing? The least you can do is enjoy the journey.

What I will be trying out this year, thanks to Afra Shimming-Chase is what they call a vision board. This is typically a board where you creatively lay out what you will achieve, whether long term or short term goals.

Why we love Mavis?

Style- I want to laugh so hard at this. My style is so basic, I am your Mr. Price girl. I literally live for the Stuttafords 25% sale. In truth though, I am currently working to revamp my wardrobe so that it goes in line with the image I am building. Growing up I had a love for skirts and anything short, as it was what I was most comfortable in. However, age doesn’t allow you to gallivant in town in shorts and a tank top. The greatest struggle is that I look so different on stage, to what I would look like on an ordinary day, almost as though I am selling dreams.

Passion – I love doing charity work. It gives me the greatest satisfaction in life. I cannot begin to express the feeling that comes with knowing that you helped make a difference in someone’s life. Reading, goes among my top passions. I read passionately. I recall back in school, I read so much my teachers would confiscate my novels before each class period. Unfortunately, I no longer have much time to lounge around with a novel all day. I recently read a trilogy I thoroughly enjoyed. Not to mention the books I recently got from Uncle Spikes book exchange – I read this particular trilogy called “The girl with the dragon tattoo” by Stieg Larsson in high school and just could never find the books. Until recently, I was so happy!

Activities – does sleep count? I rarely get to sleep. I believe that I can sleep a week straight. Wait, I need to stress how much I love sleep. Such a luxury and commodity that I cannot afford. Else, I am a religious church goer. Religious, because I ensure I do not miss a Sunday. It does something for my spirit that I simply always have to go back. This actually got me thinking, what do I do for fun? I can honestly say I do not know. I enjoy MCing, but that’s still work. Oh, family game nights! Epic fun! When I am home, game nights are simply too much fun. The beauty is that I do that with the people I love most.

Advice – The greatest piece of advice I ever got was from Daisry Matias. She said, ‘Your feet can not take you where your mind has never been.”

Learn a little bit more about Mavis with this quick quiz!

Motivational Speech

Upon compiling this speech, I felt a great surge of fear, inadequacy and an emotion I cannot put a name to – a great feeling that was both overwhelming and fulfilling. I disclose these things here because I am not to create or fabricate an image of someone who understands what I am doing standing in front of you, because truth of the matter is that I do not.

I do not have a story that speaks of the struggles I endured trying to pay for my own school fees, I do not have a story of drug addiction and victoriously leaving the life style behind, I do not have a story of an abusive parent, because these are the stories that most inspire and liberate, because these are the stories that are most related to. These are the stories that make the heroes of our nation. I look on with great awe at people who have beat the odds and have come up on top despite having had the most difficult circumstances to grow up in. It is with this that I came to the conclusion that I have absolutely no excuse to not  make it in life and it is from that that I derived the topic on which I will share with you tonight.

The real you versus the you people see

See all too often the judgement placed on our lives becomes what defines us. Such that what people say about you becomes your reality. Allow me to be absolutely blunt but when people call you worthless, inadequate, born to become nothing, a slut, a whore or simply lazy. The more these things are spoken into your life, the more they start to become your reality. It is the same with having someone compliment you and tell you that you are absolutely talented; you start to see yourself in that light. When people give praise to your achievements, it creates a level of pride that in turn boosts your self esteem.

Growing up I was looked at as the girl that is far too outspoken and has a personality that screams ‘will fall pregnant at 16’. I am not even entirely sure what about an eleven year old can make one believe that they are prone to fall pregnant at a young age. Here is what is interesting about the fact that people constantly told me I look like I would fall pregnant young. I believed them. I started to believe that I was a wild teenager who was far too experimental with life, and far too outspoken, but what about being experimental and outspoken directly equates to actually ending up in bed with someone? It was not until I was in grade 7, when Mrs. Brandt from this very Oranjemund Private School told me that I should one day return to thank her for having believed in my potential that I started to view myself differently. Let me give you a background on Mrs. Brandt, she is a woman who was feared by most scholars and was as tough as nails. She taught math and would reward you for good work. Being rewarded by her must be what a noble peace prize winner feels like, because she made you feel special. Now, for a 12 year old me to be told that she believes in me was huge. It was like getting both a Christmas gift and a birthday gift in one year, in a black house hold. That was the turning point in my life. I started to believe that indeed I do have potential. It was from where my love for math was born and it was from where I never quit no matter how hard it got.

When I went to high school I become rebellious as a defence mechanism. Again I was seen as anything but intelligent. I was too mature for my age and in turn I was prone to get into tussle of words with girls far older then me which earned me a name that no one can be proud of. I used it as a shield so that people could not get close enough to hurt me. While they so eagerly believed I was good for nothing, I went on to lead societies, I was a leader in Delta for Christ (ironic right) and I become the chairperson of the history society and excelled in my school work, all the while letting the outside world believe that I had an attitude, which was not exactly false. I recall a day in my maths class in grade 11, when the teacher was telling us to drop maths higher level and simply do ordinary level because we weren’t good enough. She then asked us to tell her what we plan on studying in university so as to decide whether we should stay on higher level or move to ordinary level. I told the class that I want to study civil engineering, the class laughed and said I was far too girly and not nearly smart enough. Now, my character is such that if you tell me I cannot do something, I will go out there and show you just how wrong you are.

Only, when I told my biological father this (I have two dads, biological and step) he told me that I was too girly for something like engineering. So when someone who is that close to you does not believe in your dreams it tarnishes the confidence in you. It breaks down something with in you, because this is someone you trust. This is not a class mate who wants to poke fun at me, this is my father. But since my character is such that, if someone tells me I cannot do something I go out and I show them just how well I can do it, I went and enrolled at the Polytechnic of Namibia as an engineering student. The doubt people had in my abilities was the first hurdle, the second was believing in myself, because once people have such a perception of you, you tend to do double the work to prove both yourself and them wrong. First year as an engineering student was both hell on wheels and sheer heaven. A paradox yes. I loved the challenge, but the challenge was far more difficult than I expected. However, having passed grade 12 with flying colors I grew cocky and underestimated just how difficult it really is. So yes you guessed it, I failed math!

The one subject I was so sure I could pass, well there is grade 11 math and then there’s engineering math. Two worlds apart, but having failed math was the greatest blessing I ever received. It knocked me straight back down to earth and showed me that, it is not ambition that makes one pass grades, but hard work. I had to go through that, sheer embarrassment because for a minute there my dad looked as though he may have been right and also it made me realize that it was not about what people say you can and cannot do, but about how much you want something regardless of what people may say.

I had a complex that too needed altering, I for so long lived behind a shield warding off people, that it almost became exactly who I am. I struggled to get people to see the real me, because what I portrayed became more evident. My closest friends hated me at first until they got to know me. What good can one drive from being disliked until you let people in. So the real me became a shadow if what people saw on the outside. It started to outweigh who I really am.

The best of ourselves is usually masked behind layers and layers of protection. Then we grow offended when people label us things we are not. I am by no means saying that you are to be so consumed by the world and what they say about you, but wouldn’t it be great if people didn’t always get the wrong impression of you. Such that, a girl can be wearing mini-skirts and crop tops and will get offended when guys do not want a serious relationship. The way you dress is not to define who you are, but it is a reflection of your character. Men will speak about women with derogatory terms and expect to find a good woman, yet good girls tend to look right past them. The same analogy applies to those who are simply ill judged. That you can be an A+ student, yet people simply assume you ate boring and discard you as a nerd.

Truth of the matter is that one cannot dictate how people relate to you, or how they judge you. What you can dictate is what’s on the inside. What potential lies on the inside is completely up to you. Regardless of what people may have said or how it is they perceive you. If you want something, go and get it. If you believe you can be something, do it. Impossible has the word possible in it. Let me tell you a story:

There was a couple who got married and the man promised his wife that he would be wealthy one day and that she should just trust him.

Lesson 1: Believe in your dreams.

He told her that if he didn’t get to a place where he can provide for her well, she should leave him. This man went from interview to interview, pitched ideas to banks for financing and near some did all he could to see out his dreams. He wanted success so much, he went with everything he had.

Lesson 2: Tirelessly working for what you believe in.

His wife stuck by his side and loved him. She watched him slave after his dreams day after day. I bet you are all expecting me to tell you how his dreams came true because he was diligent. No, one day he came home to his wife. He asked his wife to leave him because he wasn’t going to see out his dreams and couldn’t see them materializing. He believed she deserved better, because he was ready to give up. His wife, stayed. She told him that she refused to leave him, simply because of something as petty as wealth.

Lesson 3: Money isn’t everything.

To cheer him up she decided, let’s play a game.  The game was to incorporate his visions and dreams. They decided to get houses involved, because his passion was property. They got money involved so that they could trade the houses. They added property, so that one could buy the property to build on. They got a bank, they got a dice. They involved taking chances, and they involved going to prison to ensure that there were consequences for ones actions. They ensured that you derived a 20 000$ income if you could pass begin. They played this game and realized that it was actually fun and embodied everything he wanted. They decided to get funding and get it played around the world.

Lesson 4: You need a team who can restore your faith when its down.

They were turned down by potential investors, because apparently the game was too difficult to understand. They didn’t give up and searched for funding till eventually someone bought into their dreams. Today the game is played all over the world, and most of you have played it, some of you even have it in your homes. It is known as monopoly. Today Mr. Charles Darrow is to whom we owe a lot of families coming together to play.

Lesson 5: your dreams will come true, sometimes just not in the way you envisioned it.

I decided to tell you this story because most of us are down in our luck, simply unbelieving and have somewhat given up the possibility of ever seeing out our potential, because we have been led to believe it is impossible. Yes, you may be unable to pay for your education. Yes, your parents may not want you to go study what you are really passionate about. Yes, you have wasted opportunities that were given to you. Yes, everyone around you is doing well and you are not. Or maybe, yes you are doing well but the weaknesses in your personal life affect your career. Yes, these are all issues that we face. But these are only limiting factors, the hurdles in the way. Everyone has the things that set them back. But here’s the good news, you have identified them. Now you can work on them and past them.

The lessons I leave with you today are:

Lesson 1: Belief in your dreams

Lesson 2: Tirelessly working for what you believe in

Lesson 3: Money isn’t everything.

Lesson 4: You need a team who can restore your faith when its down.

Lesson 5/; your dreams will come true, sometimes just not in the way you envisioned it.

Above speakers at the night of inspiration from left: Mavis Elias, First Lady of the Republic of Namibia Madam Monica Geingos and Vincent Shimutukweni 

Speech: Night of Inspiration (Oranjemund)

Good Morning Her Excellency Madam Geingos, The Principal Mr. Neiwoudt, honourable guests, protocol observed and last but most certainly not least, ladies and gentlemen. I come from a time when Mr. Meyer was the principal, when Mr. Neuwoudt taught wood work and was vice principal. A time where we did not have a fence around the school, yet we were obedient enough to not simply walk out, a time where being scholar patrol was like getting a gift from Santa, a time where being the one to blow the whistle at scholar patrol duty, was pretty much the same as making president I presume. A time where being on the A team of the netball team was a great achievement. A time where school tours to cape town where what we lived for.

A time where going to buy 3 dollar chips from the place behind Nightcall was a daily routine, buying wilsons from Savannah was a must and having money for the game shop was what life was really about. Coming back to Oranjemund takes me back several years, enough to have me reflect on the journey life has taken me and the journey I know you too will take. Oranjemund is a small town, but this is the greatest blessing you will encounter. A factor you will come to appreciate long after you leave and a factor that teaches you one of the essential life lessons, which is family.

When I speak about family, I do not only speak about your immediate family, but about each and every person who plays a role in your life. Your friends, your teachers and each and every person who influences your life. I want to teach you of three concepts that one of my mentors TD Jakes taught me, your destiny people, your journey people and your road people. In life you will come across these three people, and it is essential that you learn at a young age who these people are to ensure you walk your life journey.

Your Destiny people are the people you will need to see out each and every one of your dreams. These are the people who will help you reach your destination. These are what we call today your ride or dies. These people will stick by you when the weather is sunny, when it rains and hails. They will pick you up when you fall, wipe your tears when you cry and hold your hand when all is dark. These people are essential to meet, each and everyone of us need to meet our destiny people because they will help you go where you need to go.  These are the people who will tap you on the shoulder and say “hallo, wrong direction. I think you are going the wrong way”. These people are sometimes already in our lives and we simply need to identify them. These people we call your destiny people.

Then you find your Journey people. These ones one can easily mistake to be your ride or dies. They will be with you when you get that promotion. They will be there when all is beautiful and light. They will want to be associated with you and seen as your friend. These people are what we call “here to party with you, but not here to cry with you”. Because they spend so much time with you, because they would like to see where you are going in life, they start to look like friends. And in most cases they are, but you need to be careful to ensure that you do not mistake them for your destiny people. The journey people tend to disappear after sometime. Their interest goes away, and when you need them most they are nowhere to be seen.

Then you find your Road people. These are dangerous, because they secretly route for your failure. They do not want to see you do well. They will smile with you, and even keep you close because they want to see what you are doing, with who you are doing it and are you doing well at it. These people are usually jealous of you and wish they had what you have. They speak badly of you behind your back. They usually don’t last long. They can also leave great damage and be the worst influence in your life. These people are what we call your road people.

In life we all have to travel a journey. On that journey you are guaranteed to meet 

1. Your destiny people 

2. Your journey people 

3. Your road people. 

It is extremely important that you find out which category the people in your life fall in, because this will determine how far you go in life. The people you hang with are very important. They influence many of your decisions and can either break you, or build you. When you look at your friends, are they the kind of friends that encourage you to study and do well? Or are they the kind of friends that do not do their homework? When you look at the people you spend most of your time with, are these the kind of people who tell you, you are smart, or do they break you down and tell you, you are lazy? Stupid?

You need to take a close look at the people you let influence you, because they become your family outside home. The same way you have a family at home with brothers and sisters, and parents who ensure you are fed and taken care of. Is the same thing you should have when you come to school. People who care about you and are real friends.

Choose them wisely.