We should all be feminists

“The only person that defines you, is you”, may be the biggest lie ever told by the very people who may overrule your actual personality and mold it into what they see fit. To be the sort of person who does not let society cultivate you and mold you into what is perceived normal, has to be about one of the worlds biggest envies I have. Although, I have to admit I have come across no such person in the short life that I have lived. Kanye West said, “What you want? A Bentley? A fur coat? A diamond ring? All you blacks want all the same thing.” Now, to fully grasp the brilliance in those lyrics, you need to strip his egotist self from the lyrics and see them for the truth they speak. Whether consciously or sub-consciously we are all the epitome of mediocre. We all aspire to the same things, and all our dreams are pretty much all different shades of grey, but nonetheless still grey.

The ability to shake the shackles that have been locked onto our ancestors and have been passed on from generation to generation is a task I am not about to assign to myself, but I am allowed to think beyond these shackles. To in actuality rid me of this desire to be successful at what I am passionate about, to become more then what my mind can grasp or even begin to imagine. See, this is what we are taught at home and then it is completely up to you, as to whether or not you will conform or go astray. By astray, we mean quit school to go pursue music and become a kwaito artist, because that is where your heart is at, LOL at the dream. See, there, there it is, the laughter at the ideaof succeeding in an industry that is pretty much dominated by the two tycoons, namely Gazza and The Dogg (I am Namibian, hence you can google them and if you must know, I have their personal phone numbers. Yes, I had to throw it in there damnit, wining!). Ok, in all seriousness, this is what we are programmed to believe in, that one has to choose a field of study that is guaranteed a job in the mediocre market and then you are to choose your prince charming and run off in the glazing sun of Windhoek with your happily-in-debt after. You are to smile and nod your head when his mother insist his cousin Nangula and Martha come live with you whilst they finish University in the city of bright lights. You are to not decline this, because if you do, every oshiwambo household will then continue to bad mouth your selfish self who perceives family as you, husband and pig-tailed children.

A speech delivered by Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie at a TEDxEuston conference in April 2013

“We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, 'You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise you will threaten the man.' Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support. But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors – not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. Feminist: the person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes.”

Men who are threatened by the idea of a successful woman have two things that need correcting. 1. Unshackle yourself sir 2. Understand that a woman is to be your partner, not your inferior. Until, we can correct those very mentalities, it is rather pointless hosting an argument with a closed minded man in the 21^st century. See, feminism can be a very tricky issue, because we as woman tend to blindly chase after it and get caught up on the sexist hype. If one is to listen to songs such as “Who run the world” by Beyonce, that is a sexist song. Yet, many don’t see it for that. Ia m not here to shed light on a matter of sexism, because I am no sexist. The idea, that one should see both sexes as equals is where I am at.

Now, correct me if I am wrong, but we are now living in an era where woman no longer aspire to marriage, although it may be in their life-long goals, it is not their main focus. What is most appealing, is that in such an instance, woman of this mind set are builders and will make kick ass (pun) wives. Now, miss me with that “depend on a man” talk. I want to want him, not for what he can do for me but for what we can do for each other. Not, how he can cater to my financial needs, but that he can cater to my soul. I need us to be compatible, on all levels. That he see me as his partner and not his responsibility. That he need me and not fear looking weak.

I am a feminist, what most will call a dreamer. After all Martin Luther King did say “I have a dream”.

Plot Twist

 Patience is but a virtue is what we are told every time we want to push boundaries the small mind cannot fathom. The fact that beings tend to want to rub their misguided perceptions onto another is the biggest downfall of humanity, yet I think in it lies the key. Society is so boxed up, that only those that dare see beyond the glaze of the sun, and stare at it till it blinds you into the real light, succeed. Technically, if everyone dared see beyond what their mind is programmed to see we would all be flying high in the towers of the Upper East Side, unfortunately some need to be maids and others need to be the bosses.

I felt compelled to reply to a piece I read, literally 5 minutes ago. That the gifted are blessed with the curse of being too brilliant (like there is such a thing), such that certain characteristics go unnoticed, which was then backed by society will see what it wants to see, regardless how brilliant your mind may be, if you are beautiful, that is what they will see, forget your mind (This was an awfully long sentence, but it had to be said in exactly that order).  Now, I beg to differ, because the human mind decided what society will shift its focus on. Let me give an example the football lovers can fathom, take David Beckham, a brilliant soccer player who went to go make millions off a clothing line and his looks. I put him next to Cristiano Ronaldo, yet again, a brilliant soccer player who is so passionate about football, it is his only focus. The man who will push, come hook, line or sinker to be the footballer of the year and win a Balon d’or, although he is equally appealing, that is not the first thing you notice. When one mentions Cristiano Ronaldo what comes to mind is his love for football. On the other hand, when I mention David Beckham, what comes to mind is his wife (Victoria Beckham is a fine woman) and pretty boy next to her. The two footballers are both made of the same cloth, yet they sell you two different personas. Which drives my argument home, society will take what you give it.

We have the likes of Dilma Rousseff (The President of Brazil), a gorgeous yellow bone who makes brains look so damn appealing. See her deliver a speech and it is blatantly obvious that this talented species does not give you her looks first, she gives you stature and power which oozes out of her very pores. Sealing the very notion that one cannot begin to blame and point a manicured nail to the society you speak of and bring to the table what they refuse to notice. You need to take a hard look in that reflective glass and question, who do you let people see?

When woman who enter male dominated fields give you this pity talk of not being seen for what they are, and only for their sex. I want to take a bucket of ice and make them my very own ALS Ice Bucket nominees. “Just stand up tall, look them in the face and say. I am that star up in the sky, I am that mountain peaking high, can you see it, I am the world’s greatest”. If as a woman you are to use the argument of sexism, in your own dethroning of the queen you are. You don’t deserve a seat in that company! No woman, that sees herself as inferior to a man, should be put as an equal. It’s a whole new plot twist to the feminist, because in order to be hailed such, you need to live it, believe it and sure as hell be it. Nothing about proving your position, because in proving, it means you have already lost. It irks me, to my very synapses, that one can be so blinded as to the power they possess, the same that was granted to Margaret Thatcher (May her soul Rest In Peace) is manifested in you, it may not be the same talent, but it’s the same power.

There is not a successful character on this round ball with blue waters, who does not let their passion shine through above all, hence the success. Every character that is a success at their choice of expertise are in essence always passionate about their field. So, when told “patience is but a virtue”, they will soon see you for what it is you are. No, don’t box me up. Don’t cage me in the trap that is patience and waiting for life to hand you your box of chocolates. Honey, I will hack the Cadbury site and search for the recipe myself if push comes to shove. Ultimately, you create yourself first and for most. Secondly, you should not let society rule over your dream of that creation. Thirdly, there is no such time as now. Which leaves me to a fourthly, I do not want to be a maid!

Figment of your imagination

Hide behind words displaying eloquence

Paint livid pictures of what your complex mind sees

Because in modern society beauty and brains are as far apart as the seas

No one dares go against the status quo

Daring any soul to stand against the perceived ordinary

If not,

Why then does the majority of woman blatantly bask in ignorance

Is it not the ambiance and flair that creates a mystifying mystery

Around a woman who utters nothing of great intelligence?

Pardon me for laughing at this absurd idea

We do not live in a country as that of India

Where woman are wedded to whoever is the highest bidder

We live in modern society, where woman can be leaders

Its no longer a dogma to gain education

As is with using your imagination in this nation

Which is what has me flabbergasted

At the mere thought of falling into a bed of roses

Roses that come with thorns of ignorance

It is no longer sexy and you know it

What is now considered increasingly beautiful

Is a woman of stature and brains full of much more than a love for make-up

But literature, poetry and social issues

Seeks to be independent rather than be dependent

As men now want someone who will build with them

Gone are the days you left your figment without imagination.

Lead me not into darkness

Lead me into Darkness

There lays depth in your heart

That dances with music

Your hands drum with the depth of a love,

A love for music

A key, a note – it’s all musical

Don’t tell me to loose myself in the world

No, the world has nothing to offer my love for rhythm

Tell me to loose myself in the rhythm of your voice

The melody of your laughter

Or the simple breath taken by surprise

Understand that you cannot understand

No, Its not a paradox its rhetorical

My mind is so deep it lingers for a minute,

Forgotten are the seconds ticking away

So lost in thought about this soul

Nah, this is not a cliché, hear me out

Music destined this encounter

A love for production, my production

Yet I can’t seem to tune this into place

Or make it fade into the background

It demands my attention more often then I care to give

Engulfing my mind into the open hours of the am

It’s not infatuation, nor is it lust

It’s a power that draws me

Magnifies the mind, Letting me peer and search

Search for a depth, A depth I’m not sure I want to discover

It leads me into darkness

A darkness I want to drown into at 2am

Lead me not into darkness, Nor into Temptation

Violence

Where have we failed men?

Has society taken your soul and left you bare? Incapable of comprehending beyond the twisted life we live in. Enabling you to kill, disabling your ability to think and crippling you with hate?

When did taking anothers life become the ultimate escape? No matter how hurt or painful a situation may be, it can never justify taking a life. 

Just a Thought

As every bird, you need to shed a feather\

Not in the hope of flocking with another

But in letting go of what doesn't provide protection

Similarly you need to shed a tear

Not to give up hope

But to realize that you need to travel through the dark to appreciate the light. 

Love is Charity

Charity cannot be defined simply, nor can it be wished away by confounds. Despite differences in culture or social strata, nothing brings to bear the essence of humanity more than the ethos of charity.  Can one can look at charity in the eyes of Mother Theresa who personified charity in its greatest form, or the poor old lady who walks past a vagrant in the streets of Windhoek, and scratches  her wallet for coins? The point is that everyone may have their own definition for the word ‘CHARITY’, but what we will all not be in doubt about is the word ‘GIVING’.

Every individual can be a philanthropist in their own right, it is the individual who chooses to embrace their giving side that has a bigger heart. Most of us are very hesitant to give a beggar money when in town as we believe many tend to use the money on self- degrading consumables such as alcohol. Stereotyping the situation leaves those who are genuinely in need, having a bad eye cast upon them as those similar to them have misused “givers’. Charity is learnt at home, preached in every way yet we are so selfish. It is giving that old shoe that is gathering dust at the back of your cupboard or simply not throwing out the left overs from Sunday lunch and choosing to give it to a homeless child the next day. That is the mentality we should adopt. The most touching thing I have seen is a 6 year old who always finishes her dinner and says “I have to finish my food, because I do not want to end up like those children on the street’. That a four year old can appreciate what she has is what most is touching.

 Charity has been my a passion since the age of 7, having grown up in a fragile part of Tsumeb, I learnt that giving and sharing a little can go a long way.

It is my dream to own an orphanage someday, however a dream is just a dream until it is accompanied by action. I would like to start by asking that you partner with me, give what you can, and as one crawls before you walk, we can as the Namibian Nation crawl together and one day walk for the Orphans and very needy persons of our country and united in giving to those in dear need.  One needs to start somewhere.

“CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME” and Namibia is our home. Join me, and let’s make difference

The Absence of a father

“If you are man enough to make a child, you should be man enough to take care of the child” are the famous words by Dianne Hubbard. According to the Oxford English Dictionary a father is a man who provides care and protection, those being the two essential possessions a child needs growing up. Every child needs the protection of a father figure, it not only helps in character building, but with the mind-set the child grows up with. It is a well known fact that a child brought up without a father stands an 80% chance of also walking out on their child. A man is supposed to be the care-taker, the one who teaches responsibility, but not only teaches it but lives it. The best way to teach a child is to be what you are teaching, and when a man walks out on his family that is what the child will pick up as a result. Thus creating a cycle, and that is what we see in our world today.

 

A mass of Namibian citizens in our day and time tend to take the responsibilities of parenthood lightly. Every child needs to grow up with a father, someone to teach them how to be a man. A household needs someone to keep it in check, to ensure good manners are taught and responsibility is sowed. Every child needs fatherly love, as well as love from a mother. 

One needs to strike a balance between the two, to allow the child an opportunity to grow to their full potential without the lack of one or the other. Being a father is not only amongst the most difficult jobs in the world, but it too is extremely challenging. Taking into consideration the expenses, emotional strain and hard decisions that come with the job description. The question at hand is, is that reason enough for fathers to flee the responsibility?

It is widely known worldwide that today, father absence is among the most pervasive social problem challenging not only Namibia, but Africa as a continent. The presence of a responsible father improves a variety of outcomes for children and serves as a protective factor against problem behaviours including teen drug use, pregnancy, truancy, and criminal activity. Thus, it is a necessity to support and encourage fathers to become more present and actively involved in their child's life. While the vision is to have all fathers positively involved in the lives of their children and families, mentoring or having the presence of a positive father figure in the absence of a father has proven to be a powerful tool for helping youth reach their full potential.

Namibian Statistics

 Never married                        -           56%

Married legally                       -           28%

Informally Cohabiting             -           7%

Women as head of house         -           45%

Fathers around after age 12     -           20%

Namibian fathers are known to neglect their responsibilities, simply choosing to not follow through. Statistics show that only 12% of fathers are still around after the age of 12, meaning after the age of 12, 88% of Namibian children do not have father figures. Children grow up with single mothers, who struggle to pay rent, let alone pay school fees. Resulting in an ocean of guilt as they feel they are the result of all the suffering experienced by the household. Every child deserves a chance at a happy life. Yes, it is no guarantee that had the father been around, they would be better off. That brings us to the responsibility issue, four out of ten Namibians say Namibian fathers are responsible in comparison to other developing countries. So why is it then that there are so many fatherless children in Namibia?
 

It was found that compared to children with father figures, children without contact with their fathers were five times more likely to live in poverty and twice as likely to commit crimes and to drop out of school. Suicide and teenage pregnancy were too laid on the table. By all measures and actions, dads can too be the “mothers” of a household (Magenya, 2001). “This did not detract from my mom, because she has been a great father”, says Magenya. Mothers tend to call the shots and teach that being a woman took nothing away from one’s ability to do r be anything you set your mind to. It does something to a child to learn gentleness from a man and strength from a woman.
 

It is said that the main reason we have such an alarming rate of single mothers is due to the fact that the last generation did not have fathers due to a Namibia having being war-torn and so the cycle continues. This results in children acting out, falling pregnant and abusing drugs. They not only face the fact that their fathers are absent but they too have to deal with the public eye. Children without fathers tend to perform poorly in comparison to fathered children. The child’s potential is “crippled” by the absence of a father thus not growing to their full potential.

As a Namibian nation we can grow towards a better future, by not only realising the problem, but working toward changing it. Informing the public on the effects the absence of a father has on the child, encouraging marriage and mentoring. By mentoring a fatherless child we help break the cycle and thus break the chain. As generation after generation fathers walk out on children as they know nothing about being a father, mentoring will thus teach them how to be a father. Yes, we have a lack of responsible fathers, but one step at a time and that can all be fixed.

“There is no greater love then that of a father and a mother, but nothing hurts more than the lack of it”- Morris Kalunduka. Every child deserves the equal opportunity to live to their full potential without being “crippled” by the absence of a father. Fathers are supposed to be the care-takers and the protectors. Yes, being a father is not the easiest job, but that brings us back to the phrase by Dianne Hubbard, “No child should suffer the consequences of an irresponsible father”. No child deserves to grow up without a father figure.  

The Hunger

Engulfs and eats at my bare soul. Bare of all fear and lack of ambition, but filled to the brink of the glass with pure determination. This is the constant reminder that one can and will make it with the right attitude towards your dreams. Filled with clichés and overly used phrases like “If your dream doesn't scare you, then it’s not big enough”. Whoever did utter those words was not high on some narcotics, because it is pure genius. Ones dreams have to be larger then life, such that it engulfs you and gives insomnia a victim every other night. Clawing on your flesh and eating at your brain to invent the idea that will set you off to that billion dollar benchmark.

You see, dreaming and adjusting ones attitude is just but the beginning, achieving is a whole other ball game. Firstly, I want to succeed in life, I have the end vision but when I play it out in sequence I reach a blurr - The actual lead up to the dramatic sound effects as the curtains close, laughter and smiles fill the audience. I cannot remember what leads to the final act in the play, how and where the billion dollar idea manifests into a reality. I am at loss, which is where my hunger engulfs and wins. 

You Sold Your Youth

We are the youth is the biggest lie told by the young. If you are not to capitalize on the youth in you, then you do not reserve the right to call yourself that. Pardon me for my lack of optimism because I presume we have ran out of positive replies to give. Yearly there are speeches and endless articles written aimed at empowering the said youth. Looking to have us dust our ashy feet off, and see the power manifested in our blinded souls. 

Yet today I read the saddest article to date, 90 pupils pregnant in the year 2014 alone. Now, as the title YOUTH is stripped off you, understand that it is not I that strips you of this, but you yourself. It is not I that made the decision to have sex, never mind unprotected sex, but it is you. More often than I would like to admit, we tend to always want to point a blame finger to the government that is not raising awareness on the matter of unprotected sex which is false by the way. If you are mature enough to engage in the act of unprotected sex well, pardon me for stripping you off the naivety that comes with one uninformed of the after effects of unprotected sex. You get pregnant boo boo, that’s the beginning of the story.

I strip you of your youth because you have now crossed over to the adult world, regardless your age. Pregnancy equals adulthood because you are a mother simply buffering and pending the unexpected troubles of a troubled mother. Call me judgmental, ill so, but I shall stand firm and quit buttering the bread on both sides and hand you a dry slice of reality. That reality is that opportunity is ample, and if you will decide to simply go after pleasure without the afterthought then you are no longer a part of the youth, because you sold your youth.