Dad

The past 3years have been the rockiest as far as my relationship with my dad is concerned. I was convinced I hated him, felt like he was solely a sperm donor and worst of all I felt he ruined my mother.

I grew up feeling my mother  hates me, that each and every time her eyes look me over, she sees my father and in turn she took out her lifes frustrations on me. My dad is my moms first love and I believe we are all familiar with the saying ‘the first cut, cuts the deepest’. Well my dad cut my mum, and till this day a good 6 years later I honestly believe my mother has never healed. Why, because she doesn't seem to know the meaning of forgiveness. If you cannot forgive, you cannot move on! A hard learnt lesson. Anyway, my dad..

I love my dad, don’t get me twisted, but neglect is a colour I don’t wear well. We went from being best friends to complete strangers. The man that used to be my safe haven has turned a blind eyes, no fuck that, turned his back on me. I used to feel like his lil princess and now it’s like WTF? Anyway I may come across as a spoilt brat, but look, the story behind the story is more complex then I may bring it across. I mean there is a step-mother involved, half siblings, finances being neglected, arguments, constant conflict can drive wedges between blood relatives.

Were all this is coming from? I was with my dad today, and well I realised I have been hiding behind this façade, pretending I hate him. When inside there’s the little girl in me calling out to her daddy. I MISS HIM!