Regrets and mistakes are memories made. Well, just last week I had been talking about how I would like to change. They say bad habbits die hard and I never did see the truth in that until I decided to break some bad habbits. Its harder then I had realised. Just 15 minutes ago, my buddies came to pick me up, but they were with the one friend I had recentle defriended. We have the same circle of friends, so I should have expected bumping into her. I guess my biggest fear right now is my REAL friends feeling like they need to choose. I would not have liked to have been put in their position by either of them and here I am doing exactly that. I do not want to loose anymore friends as I have lost plenty already. I feel like I have been pushing them away lately, and I just dont know how to stop. They have done nothing to me. I have a very bad habbit of retaliating against those close to me the moment something horrible happens to me. It is in human nature to hurt those close to you, but I know I am doing it, so why do I keep at it? Point is, if I am not careful I will loose my friends.
Anyway, so this is week 2 of DIARY of a CHANGED women.. and its tough. It genuinly is hard. Applying so much change at once can work on you. I know it is for myself, but at times I feel like breaking down and giving up. Like I have the world resting onmy shoulders and I am bound to stumble and fall at any moment. In some aspects i am doing really good, in othwers I am failing miserably. I know I shouldnt be so easily discouraged which is what keeps me going at times. Other times I feel I could just die!
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